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Facebook PhilanderingDear Prudence on affairs via social networking—and other readers' quandaries.

Posted Monday, April 6, 2009, at 5:18 PM ET

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Baby Blues: Hello:

I'm pregnant with my first child and due in 8 days. My husband and I are thrilled to death and cannot wait to meet the newest member of our family.

My mother is driving me crazy. She and I have never been close—we are essentially like oil and water. She had a vacation planned for this week for quite a while and I thought she understood what that might mean—if the baby comes early, she may not be able to see it for the first couple days (no big deal, we'll still be around and it won't change that much! or so I thought).

She has been calling me daily (very untypical for our relationship) telling me not to deliver until she returns so that she can see her first grandchild within 24 hours of its birth. The message conveyed is very strong—she cares more about how the birth of the child fits into her schedule than what is healthiest and safest for the child and myself.

I'm disgusted. This child will decide when it is ready to make its appearance and will do so at the healthiest time. She doesn't seem to care about this—only how it fits her schedule. I'm trying very hard to be patient with her, but it just makes me so angry and stressed. While this feeling is nothing new for our relationship, I would have hoped that a new, beautiful little life would have had some sort of impact to her superficial, self-centric lifestyle. I know she's excited, but when the first words out of her mouth are me me me, it's really hard to be sympathetic (and not tense). I'm at my wits end.

Emily Yoffe: Has she asked that you tie your legs together to keep the grandkid in until it suits her schedule? As I've said before, dealing with the self-centered, ridiculous demands of one's parents is good training for dealing with such demands when they are issued from one's children. Tell your mother the baby will arrive when it arrives and you don't wish to discuss this any further. If she persists, say, "Mom, this discussion is upsetting to me, so I'm going to get off the phone now, bye" and hang up. Get the book, "The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists" for help in drawing boundaries with such a mother.

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Email etiquette: For many people including the parent of the high school prep student, please mind a few pieces of e-mail etiquette. Remember that many people have different levels of familiarity with e-mail. One very important feature is that if you expect a response, you should ask for one or note that you expect on in your message. If you expect one in a certain time frame mention it ("I hope to hear from you this weekend", or "If I don't hear from you by Wednesday, I'll assume I'm not needed.") Do not assume people with be on the same wavelength with you. Be very careful to be as clear as possible. Even if it takes a little more space, there are no extra charges for extra text and brevity has caused a huge number of avoidable misunderstandings. Finally, always clearly identify yourself. I don't know everyone's address and smile89@yahoo.com really doesn't tell me who you are.

Emily Yoffe: Good points.

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Rockville, Md.: Dear Prudence,

How to politely decline a vacation invitation from my in-laws? They want to pay for a 5-day trip to a local resort. I've been on vacations with them in the past, and it usually means that everything is on their timeline (e.g., when to eat, where to eat, what activities to do). Attempts to go against their timeline have been met with hurt feelings and great disappointment. I do not want to seem ungrateful, but I have a 16-month-old who alas has his own timeline. So, waiting to eat dinner with my in-laws at 8:30 p.m. does not work. Their helpful suggestion of "just give him a snack to tide him over" are anything but. Unfortunately, my husband does not want to cause a rift either. Apparently, years of going along with their timeline has taught him that it's usually the path of least resistance. Thanks for your help!

Emily Yoffe: Now that you have a toddler, you need some new rules for dealing with your in-laws. It is amazing when the people who raised you or your spouse seem to have to have totally forgotten what it's like to have a small child. Probably a resort vacation is not the best place to start the retraining, so just say maybe you will take them up next year when the baby is older. In the meantime, start setting new timelines. Visit for brunch for example, and say dinner doesn't work for you now because the baby has to be in bed by 8:30. For a big celebration, make an exception, otherwise, kindly, but firmly, reset the schedule.

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Reston, Va.: I have recently learned that two of my co-workers have been having an affair, probably for at least a year. Apparently, I am one of the last to learn of this. The whole thing has me quite disappointed in their behavior since I know what it's like to grow up in a family where there is unfaithfulness going on, and these two individuals have a combined 4 young children between them. But all that aside, what I have become really grossed out about is that apparently they have been having intimate assignations in a part of our office building where we periodically have training/meetings, but which is otherwise often unoccupied. Any suggestions about what, if anything, I should do?

Emily Yoffe: You may be disappointed and disgusted, but calling in the hazmat team to decontaminate the places where they've coupled is unnecessary. It's good you were the last to know. Now that you do know, unless the affair has a direct impact on you (they are in your department, one supervises the other and it's affecting everyone's work, for example) pretend you don't know.

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Emily Yoffe: Thanks, everyone. I look forward to next week's chat.