
Dial It DownDear Prudence on family members who call way too often, and other readers' quandaries.
Posted Monday, March 23, 2009, at 3:54 PM ETIt makes her not feel like she's the only one calling, and it made me realise that she just wants to talk. To me. Gee, how bad can that be?
I know, it was just a change in my behavior. But the truth is, it isn't that hard to just pick up the phone and call her once a week or so. And now, I don't feel guilty if I don't pick up the phone sometimes.
Emily Yoffe: Excellent advice, both on what to do and on attitude.
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Santa Cruz, Calif.: Hi. Re which side of a date do you walk on, I'm pretty sure the current etiquette is for the man always to walk on the woman's left. This is because in these times the "danger" is much more likely to come from an approaching human (e.g., a purse snatcher) than from a rearing horse. Since most foot traffic walks on the right side of the sidewalk in each direction (like car traffic) this approach puts the man between the woman and strangers.
Emily Yoffe: This is an argument for dropping the whole idea that sex chromosomes should dictate position on the sidewalk.
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Washington, D.C.: Dear Prudence, I have a friend who bails out of plans at the last minute. In her mind, all plans are tentative until she shows up (which makes dinner reservations and being seated at restaurants slightly problematic). Is there a polite way to say "stop canceling at the last minute, or I am going to stop inviting you?"
Emily Yoffe: It's nice of you to restrain the impulse to call her a self-centered, inconsiderate flake. You can say something like,"I love spending time with you, and I know we're all busy, but it's frustrating to make plans with you and then have you not show up. If I can't rely on you to follow through, I'm not going to keep asking you." And surely you have found you don't actually love spending time with her because that usually means sitting at a restaurant by yourself staring at your watch.
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College Point, N.Y.: How do I get my girlfriend to get back with me? It was all my fault because I was seeing someone else and she left me when she found out, but now I want her back. She is the one for me. What can I do to get her back
Emily Yoffe: You can tell her you realize how much you hurt her over your foolishness and that you would like another chance. If she doesn't want to give you one, leave her alone. And absorb this painful lesson about cheating.
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Washington, D.C.: I have visited the infertility clinic 3x/month for the last four months. During each appointment, I have to interact with 3-4 people who each always ask me how I am. Truthfully, I am not handling the crushing disappointment of not being able to get pregnant very well. I realize their questions are their way of being polite and my normal answer, outside of the doctor's office, is a simple 'fine'. However, inside the doctor's office, I just refuse to say that I am fine. I am nowhere near fine. And frankly, considering why people come to their office, they should suspect that a large majority of their patients are not going to have a very nice answer to this question.
Is there an answer I can give that is generic enough that I'm not pouring my heart out to a stranger's throwaway question, yet isn't positive?
Emily Yoffe: This is truly a case where they are just being polite. You would probably be equally annoyed if you regularly went to a clinic and the people you interacted with never even bothered to ask how you are. "As well as can be expected, thanks," should do it.
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Herndon, Va.: Do you have a polite, yet snarky answer to the question, "Can I borrow some money?"
My coworkers constantly ask me for large sums of money ($600+). How do I get them to stop asking?
Emily Yoffe: What kind of office is this—a loan shark? No need to be snarky. A simple, "Sorry, I can't help you," should do.
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Washington, D.C.: I'm getting married in October and I think my mom wants nothing to do with it. I'm been with my fiance for over seven years so the idea of us getting married was not a complete shock to her. She has never said she doesn't want to be involved, but every time I mention something about it she changes the subject. I'm even planning a spa day for the girls the morning of the wedding and she said she just wants to "show up" to the wedding and not be a part of the activities we have planned for guests. It's a small group and a destination wedding. My question is... how do I handle her? I never thought in a million years my mother would be the one to bring the stress at my wedding. Do I keep her out or try and get her involved? We are paying for the entire wedding too and haven't asked my parents for anything.
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