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Dial It DownDear Prudence on family members who call way too often, and other readers' quandaries.

Posted Monday, March 23, 2009, at 3:54 PM ET

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Professional Services for Free: Dear Prudie,

I'm a professional editor. My family, friends, and colleagues frequently ask me to edit their documents—resumes, papers, important emails, etc.—in my spare time. Ordinarily, I don't mind helping out, especially if the document is short.

However, I have one friend who has, over the past year, asked me to edit more than 250 pages of his dissertation. I've helped much more than I feel inclined to, giving up more than 50 hours ($2,500 if I freelanced it) of my time. I'm bored of the topic of the dissertation and not interested in spending my free time editing his work any longer.

I need help formulating a clear and polite response next time he asks for assistance. I've occasionally said that I'm too busy to help, but I need to be more clear that I don't welcome future requests related to the dissertation. This man is a friend whom I otherwise really like and don't want to offend; at the same time, he is clearly willing to exploit this connection and I need to set boundaries.

Thanks so much.

Emily Yoffe: All professionals should be able to enjoy their relationships with people without being exploited. That means doctors shouldn't be expected to give free appendectomies, and computer experts shouldn't be expected to come and get the porn spam out of your computer, etc. To friends and family just say that you edit for a living and don't want to do it for free in your free time—unless you are in the mood to help with something short. As for your "friend", you can tell him that while he may not be done with his dissertation, you are.

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Kookooville: So my mom calls me a lot. Like, 3-4 times a day on the weekends. She picks the most inconvenient times to call—when I'm feeding the kids or giving them baths or taking a nap. So we've started not answering calls when it's not convenient for us. (Her calls aren't the only ones we don't answer—anyone who calls at those times don't get picked up.) So after she called 9 (!) times yesterday, and asked why we didn't pick up—were we out shopping, were we outside enjoying the weather—I told her that we don't pick up unless we're in a position to talk. So now she says "well, I guess I won't call you anymore" AND she called my dad & step-mom, brother, two sisters, aunt, and cousin to say "oh, she doesn't want me to call her anymore." Seriously, how do I deal with this? I'm fine talking to her once or twice over the weekend, but 6 one-minute-long conversations ("What are you up to today?" "Laundry") don't really get me excited.

Emily Yoffe: She said, "Well, I won't call you anymore"—what a victory! That was easy, wasn't it? (Not that I believe her.) Now, when you have the time to call her and talk, do so, and when you've run out of time say, "Mom, great talking to you, I've got to go." If she throws a snit or won't talk to you, then you can do something else with your time.

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Denver, Col.: Hello! My husband has a really annoying habit that is about to send me over the edge. Let's call it an 'adjustment' problem. He 'adjusts' himself at least 20 times an hour (it feels like) and it drives me insane and grosses me out. I've mentioned it, fussed about it, tried to ignore it, etc. Any suggestions on how to handle it? Thanks!

Emily Yoffe: He couldn't have been doing this while you were dating or else surely you wouldn't be married. Does he do this at work? (If so, how is he still employed?) This has become a compulsion and there is something more wrong in his head than his pants. Perhaps he would agree to see a doctor with you to discuss what is going on and how to stop it—surely he's motivated enough to get you to stop mentioning it to him. Explain your concerned because this habit could have severely unpleasant consequences.

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Washington, D.C.: I am a woman in my mid-twenties, and was raised to take care of myself and not rely on a man to do it. As such, when on a date, I don't expect doors to be held for me, or chairs pulled out, or car doors opened (I actually find those last two kind of obnoxious). I also find it really insulting if a man refuses to walk through a door that I am holding open for him. The problem is, my stepfather does expect that my boyfriends do these things, and consequently, he dislikes most of my boyfriends. How do I convince him that I am not helpless, I don't want my chair pulled out for me, and I would really just prefer that whoever gets to the door first hold it open?

Emily Yoffe: If you are happy with the guys you date and neither one of you are interested in car door or chair etiquette, just ignore your stepfather's criticism.

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Baltimore, Md.: I am a 50+ year old woman, and many of my friends are of similar age. Many of us regularly have to pluck long wiry hairs growing from our chins. There is one woman in our circle of friends who just lets them grow. Is there any polite way to suggest she should do something about this?

Emily Yoffe: Equality in facial hair is one of the unsung benefits of aging. Maybe this is why nature designed our eyes to start going at the same time—so we won't stand in front of the bathroom mirror and scream at the realization we've become bearded ladies. Say to your friend, "I need to have an awkward discussion with you. Marge, you may not be aware of it, but you've got some facial hairs you need to take care of because they are really marring your good looks."

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Incessant calls from parents: I used to think that my mom was calling me all the time, and that she always called at a bad time.

Now, I try to make sure that I call her at least once a week, and if I can't get to the phone when she calls, I don't fret.