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Marathon of MirthThink you have a lot of Christmas parties? Be glad you're not the president.

By John DickersonPosted Wednesday, Dec. 10, 2008, at 3:43 PM ET

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If we could get a peek at Rove's list, we could probably divine from the people he wants to please what he has planned for Bush's second term. We could also get an early hint of how he sees the 2006 congressional elections playing out—in which races he thinks the party needs help and where he's building allies. The most tantalizing thing we might learn would be who he's courting that might be helpful to the GOP in 2008. Rove has said he will stay out of the next presidential election. Does his guest list say that?

The true Washington cave-dwellers who have received invitations over many administrations affect a weary air about these nights. Just one more social obligation, they sigh. They've been to so many of these parties. This year, they might not even go. Don't let them fool you. In Washington, eminences need to pretend that they're bored with such events, but for weeks after they've gone to the party they will be starting sentences this way: "When I was at the White House Christmas party …"

In fact, for guests anxious to trade on White House proximity, the photography line is an efficient machine for maximum distribution of glory by association. Guests can leave with two nuggets: a picture they can hang on their "glory wall" to impress visitors and a little anecdote about presidential face time.

Holiday pictures with the first couple can wind up anywhere. They show up in local newspaper profiles or Web pages of law offices and foundations, as proof of a person's Beltway credentials. Washington-establishment types who have intimate pictures with the president don't think the holiday snaps have much cachet, so they send the staged photos to their parents to sit on the breakfront. Rita Cosby* used her White House photo with President Bush in the ad promoting her talk show on MSNBC. Monica Lewinsky's Christmas party picture with Clinton is in the book about her affair with the president.

But all who stand in line can also legitimately claim they've had a chat with the president, even if the conversation is measured in tenths of a second. Lobbyists can boast to clients that they've taken their case to the highest levels. Lawmakers will be able to tell their constituents they talked Iraq by the fireplace with the leader of the free world.

In reality, a lightning exchange takes place. A marine reads your name and the clock starts. You walk a few paces from the line into place, the camera snaps, and you're expected to withdraw immediately.

In the two years my wife and I stood in line, we did not make good use of the moment. She told Bush she thought it was nice for him to invite in the street people. He understood that she was comparing the press to hobos and laughed knowingly. The next time, my wife was weeks away from delivering our daughter. The four of us exchanged a few distinct sentences about 1) children; 2) making it home for bath time during campaign season; and 3) children's names, before the next couple was in place behind us. (My in-laws have enjoyed their photos.)

The president and his wife have to produce such sheer tonnage of cheer in those 26 photography sessions that it must affect the cheek muscles. Yet they never seem to show fatigue. I imagine stewards prepare bowls of crushed ice so that afterward they can soak their weary faces. All invitees can bring one guest, so the president and first lady have to be emotionally nimble enough to react to many different kinds of characters. They must deliver a compliment to a staffer's mother without necessarily remembering what the staffer does. Smile for a same-sex couple the same way they would for any other pairing. They need to show ready grief if someone announces they're scheduled for surgery the next day or elation when presented with a happy couple newly engaged.

Some presidents can't stand the false bonhomie. Nixon stayed upstairs as the Watergate scandal heated up, unwilling to mingle for his last White House Christmas party with the press. The journalists waited and waited and finally Pat Nixon and daughter Tricia arrived for the unhappy chore. Clinton did just the opposite. The House voted to impeach him during the party season, and he not only went to his party but mingled with the members of Congress who had voted to remove him from office.

When it's time to go, doors start quietly closing. Velvet ropes appear. The crowd moves without realizing it's being herded and only occasionally must one of the ushers hustle people along. When they do, they use some kind of elfin Ninja technique. They smile and lift a hand. The latticework of cheer propels you outward, until you're back standing on the curb in the cold.

Correction, Dec. 14: The article originally and incorrectly spelled the MSNBC host's name Crosby. (Return to the corrected sentence.)