The Candidate: Captain Morgan
Campaign Years: 2000, 2004, 2008
Corporate Sponsor: Diageo, parent company of Captain Morgan rum, Smirnoff vodka, and other popular liquor brands
Presidential Chops: The rum-guzzling, rum-smuggling pirate has a certain swaggering confidence. The real Captain Morgan was born in Jamaica, however, disqualifying him for the presidency.

Meet the anti-Barbie candidate. Mattel's earnest ambition is to change the way girls dream about their lives. Diageo's corporate mascot wants those girls to get a little older and into fishnet stockings. Captain Morgan strutted around this year's Democratic and Republican conventions pledging to create five-day weekends and "put the party back into party politics." While the women are wearing "Drink Responsibly" sashes, this swashbuckler is fooling no one. The Captain Morgan campaign works precisely because it's the opposite of the standard spokescharacter run for office. At this point, nobody's surprised when a cartoon dog or a plastic doll takes a crack at the presidency. There's still something novel, though, about a candidate whose platform is "drink, drink, drink." (No Ted Kennedy jokes, please.)