Emily Post's SecretHow a disastrous marriage drove her to etiquette.

Remarks from the Fray:

Laura is ridiculing Mrs. Emily Post for being a powerful New York figure who maintained her marriage to an openly philandering husband marriage as long as she could, but ultimately divorced after his infidelity led to a scandalous lawsuit. Hilary Clinton, a powerful New York figure maintains her marriage to an openly philandering husband even after his infidelity led to a lawsuit so scandalous it brought the entire federal government to a standstill.

Laura attacks Mrs. Post under the guise of feminism, but really it is out of the liberal insecurity that comes from knowing how many ways life used to be better in America before the radicals had their way. Every lad-ish magazine, every girl gone wild is also the face of feminism and anathema to Mrs. Post's rules. Laura is right that Mrs. Post's message is lost - this is obvious every time one has to listen to an obnoxious cellular telephone conversation on the train, endure an airplane flight next to an unshaven unkempt bore, or try to watch a movie while half a dozen conversations go on around the theatre.

Mrs. Emily Post described etiquette as the thousand small sacrifices we make each day to ensure the world runs smoothly for all those around us. The radical view that replaced etiquette, much to Laura's delight, is that everyone is so unique, so special, so brimming with self esteem, he should never feel obligated to sacrifice anything, no matter how minor. Don't bother with fussy notions that you should bathe before flight, describing your sexual escapades is too important to wait until you can find privacy, your conversation is more important than others being able to watch the film - to think otherwise isn't just outdated, according to Laura it's unfeminist.

--here2help

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It is certainly ironic that the writer praises Eleanor Roosevelt at the expense of Emily Post, when in fact Mrs. Roosevelt lived exactly the type of life that Post advocated. Married to a man with whom there was little sexual relationship, she tolerated a lifetime of adulterous affairs by her husband in the name of preserving the family, his future, and her position in society.

--edhgirl

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Luckily, it was E.R.'s legacy that lasted? Really?! A woman as respectable and dignified as Emily Post deserves better than that. For crying out loud, if more women today behaved as stoically, dignified, reserved and well behaved as Emily Post, I believe that America would be a much better place to live, not to mention substantially less crude. Instead we have Madonna, Spears, & "girls gone wild", and the young girls that emulate this poor behavior. What a shame.

--thekenpoist

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Somehow you managed to reduce a woman who single-handedly created an empire (doing so in a time when women did not create empires, making her a true modern woman in this womans book), took all that life threw her way and made something excellent come out of the nightmare (she didn't just make lemonade with those lemons - she made lemon sorbet!), held to the principles that she believed in even when those around her didn't hold to those same principles (such as marriage is permanent and you should be faithful to those vows, whether your spouse chooses to or not) and stood tall and proud to be the woman that she really was (obviously, it was not socially acceptable for her to attend the movies and have ice cream with her maid - but she did it anyway, perhaps setting a new tone of social acceptability in doing so). This is the same woman that I just read, in your own review, being reduced to a woman who should be mocked, somewhat pitied, thought to be out-dated in her outlooks even in her own time and discounted as not being very valuable or authentic? Oh, then there was her advice to women going through a high profile divorce that it would be vulgar to discuss the intimacies of that divorce in the press. Quite frankly, I wish that more celebrities read Emily Post today!

--ibejewels

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Emily Post started writing about etiquette the decade after waves of immigrants landed on Ellis Island. These immigrant families, anxious to assimilate into America and join the middle class, used her writings to familiarize themselves with American social customs. They were also politically progressive, so it makes sense that they admired both Post and Eleanor Roosevelt. I suppose someone like Martha Stewart plays the role today that Emily Post had in the early and mid-twentieth century.

--msd

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Certainly from the stand-point of 2008, Emily Post's etiquette can seem dated, but I submit this is due to almost 40 years of in-your-face vulgarity, rudeness, and obscenity, which has thoroughly eroded a key part of an identity that was intrinsic to Americans until the break of the 1960's.

I'd also point out that societies such as Japan have become modern without abandoning useful distinctions of behavior depending on circumstances – unlike today's Americans who ignorantly assume that 'casual' dress, speech, and manners are always good. The Japanese (and many other cultures) are still aware of the value of formality. They would understand that Mrs. Post's ability to play a different role depending on the circumstances (her going arm-in-arm with her maid to the movies, but eating her supper separately in the formal dining room) reflects a deftness & subtlety of behavior which has disappeared in the US. Maintaining appearances – even when personally painful – was part of what made the US a kinder, more-civilized place.

--Thomas Graves

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(10/28)