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Cocktail Chatter: Baseball Playoffs EditionHow to fake your way through the 2008 baseball playoffs.

By Justin PetersPosted Wednesday, Oct. 1, 2008, at 7:12 AM ET

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Justin Peters helped baseball neophytes fake their way though the 2007 and 2006 playoffs. Josh Levin lamented the sorry state of the New York Mets bullpen. In 2003, Seth Stevenson asked which team was more deserving of love, the Cubs or the Red Sox. In 2002, Chris Suellentrop called the Anaheim Angels the worst team you've never heard of.

White Sox talking points: Chicago did everything possible to blow the AL Central—going 11-15 in September, losing the sweet-swinging Carlos Quentin to a case of bat rage, starting the punchless Ken Griffey Jr. and Nick Swisher on a regular basis, adopting "It's Not Gonna Happen" as the team's unofficial motto. Although your friends might argue that they squeaked into the playoffs thanks to solid starting pitching and veteran leadership, you suspect that the White Sox were galvanized by the fear that, if they choked, manager Ozzie Guillen would follow through on his frequent threats and throw them under an actual bus.

Historical context: Since winning the World Series in 2005, the verbose Guillen has feuded with seemingly everybody in baseball, including newspaper columnists, opposing players, umpires, and his own general manager. Feel free to get into the Guillen spirit by loudly criticizing everybody with whom you are watching the game, especially those who are fat or possibly homosexual. Your friends will think that you're a comic genius—just like Ozzie!—and, also, that you're a huge jerk. Just like Ozzie!

Conversation starter: "Don't be fooled by Paul Konerko's lousy overall numbers—he was one of the best sluggers in baseball in August and September."

Conversation stopper: "Ken Griffey Jr. is old enough to be Ken Griffey Sr.'s father."

American League Division Series, Boston Red Sox vs. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
Red Sox talking points: After seven years of letting Manny Ramirez be Manny Ramirez, the Red Sox finally tired of his antics and traded him to the Dodgers in July. While popular opinion holds that the Ramirez trade was addition by subtraction, you're not too sure about that math: Manny had a monster second half (.396 BA, 17 HR, 53 RBI) for the Dodgers, and that kind of production in Fenway might have helped the Red Sox win the division and secure home field advantage. Still, a .358 team OBP and a deep starting staff leaves you optimistic about Boston's chances, even if you now have to settle for letting Kevin Youkilis be Kevin Youkilis.

Historical context: The impending demolition of Yankee Stadium means that Fenway Park is now one of only two major league stadiums built before the Great Depression—the other, of course, being Chicago's Wrigley Field. Your friends will applaud your spirit when you repeatedly encourage the Dodgers to "drop some depth charges at Wrigley," never realizing that you're actually advocating a violent and casualty-laden scorched-earth strategy.

Conversation starter: "Sure, the Indians' Cliff Lee won more games, but Daisuke Matsuzaka meant more to his team than any other pitcher this year."

Conversation stopper: "We might not win the Series this year, but, hey, at least the Patriots still have Tom Brady."

Angels talking points: The Angels destroyed their American League competition behind closer Francisco Rodriguez's record-setting 62 saves. You, however, realize that a lot of saves are usually indicative of a crappy offense and are more impressed by the Angels' anonymously efficient starting staff—the top five starters posted 70 wins and a 3.97 ERA. Although "Joe Saunders" and "Ervin Santana" sound suspiciously like aliases, you're not going to ask any questions as long as they keep winning.

Historical context: With those 62 saves, Francisco "K-Rod" Rodriguez effortlessly broke the previous major-league record, which had been held by Bobby Thigpen, an average pitcher without a cool nickname who had one really good season in the course of an undistinguished nine-year career. Follow in Ford Frick's (supposed) footsteps and argue that K-Rod's record should be accompanied by an asterisk because Bobby Thigpen really, really needs this.

Conversation starter: "Vladimir Guerrero in a down year is still more fearsome than pretty much every other hitter."

Conversation stopper: "Gary Matthews Jr. in a down year is … oh, wait, that's every year."