Of Greed and GroomsDear Prudence dispenses advice about wedding etiquette.

(Continued from page 3)

PRINTDISCUSSE-MAILRSSRECOMMEND...SINGLE PAGE

FacebookMySpace Mixx Digg Reddit del.icio.us Furl Ma.gnolia SphereStumbleUponCLOSE

Dover, Del.: My sister is getting married and would like both of my parents to walk her down the aisle. The only problem is...they're divorced and don't get along. My sister feels that the father of the bride gets a lot of special treatment at weddings. He gets to walk her down the aisle and give her away and he gets the father/daughter dance. Our mother played a very large role in our lives and my sister wants to celebrate that. Now, my father is pitching a fit and says that he doesn't want to walk her down the aisle at all and doesn't want to wear a tuxedo. My sister is obviously upset. Prudie, how do I get my family to enjoy this great occasion and get my father to grow up?

Emily Yoffe: You can't get your father to grow up, sadly. But you can be the grown ups. I think it's lovely when both parents walk the bride down the aisle. If your father says he won't if your mother does it, so be it—Mom walks the bride. Your sister should try to be as gracious as possible to your father and say, "Then, Dad, I look forward to having the first dance with you."

_______________________

Lewes, Del.: My 20-year-old granddaughter is being married on the beach in Florida in October. I will not be attending a shower being held in Maryland, but have sent a set of dishes from her registry. I am flying to Florida and my son has made accommodations for housing for me. There is another "gift card shower" being held in Florida the day before the wedding that I am obligated to attend. The wedding in Florida is just for parents and grandparents with a dinner afterwards. One week later the groom's family is hosting a "reception" in Maryland that I will be attending as well. I am retired on a fixed income and want to do the right thing. My daughters are telling me that I am only obligated to give one wedding gift (probably cash) for the two events. What is the right thing to do? Is the second shower gift expected as well? What is the appropriate amount for a gift given my other expenses? Thank you in advance!

Emily Yoffe: The appropriate amount is the amount you feel comfortable with. Period. I hope your granddaughter has been raised to simply be happy that she has a grandmother around able to witness this wonderful event.

_______________________

Waldorf, Md.: Hope I'm not submitting this too late...

This year will be my 5 year anniversary. My mother died shortly before my wedding, at the time, I relied on her for etiquette knowledge. When I did my invitations, I didn't realize how cheesy it was to include the registry information. (I certainly do now!) I included it discreetly on the back of the directions insert. Here I am, 5 years later, still bothered by my lack of etiquette. Is there anything that I can do short of individually apologizing to 150+ guests?

Thank you.

Emily Yoffe: Forget it! Everyone else has. Be glad you're the kind of person who can recognize she makes mistakes. Everyone does, and this one is a minor one.

_______________________

Minneapolis: I am a teetotaler for non-religious reasons, my fiance rarely drinks, and most of my family and friends drink. Am I expected to serve alcohol at my reception, or would I be able to have a dry reception (which I would prefer for many reasons)? Any light you can shed on the matter would be greatly appreciated.

Emily Yoffe: You obviously get to choose the kind of reception you want. But in the absence of a religious restriction, etc. a dry reception will have the air of a temperance meeting, which perhaps you would rather avoid.

_______________________

Small town, Mich.: Hello,

I received an invitation to a wedding that had no RSVP card. Should I let the couple/the bride's parents/anyone know that I will attend? And what is the best way to do so.

Emily Yoffe: An rsvp card is a courtesy to nudge people into fulfilling their obligation to rsvp. Get a piece of paper, write that either you look forward to attending, or will be unable to, put it in an envelope, stick a stamp on it and mail it.

_______________________

Emily Yoffe: Thanks everyone—and best wishes for long and happy marriages.

PRINTE-MAILRECOMMEND...RSS

FacebookMySpace Mixx Digg Reddit del.icio.us Furl Ma.gnolia SphereStumbleUponCLOSE

SPONSORED CONTENT

• The Bearded Mom
  Prudie counsels a reader whose mother's facial hair is getting out of control—and other advice seekers.
  Nov. 9, 2009
• The Closeted Groom
  Prudie dispenses advice about a fiancé who has a bisexual past—and counsels other advice seekers.
  Nov. 2, 2009
• Say Beddy-Bye-Bye
  Prudie counsels a husband-to-be whose bride wants her own bedroom—and other advice seekers.
  Oct. 26, 2009
• Search for more Chat Room, The articles
• Subscribe to the Chat Room, The RSS feed
• View our complete Chat Room, The archive