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Left BehindWhat happened when my son's best friend moved away.

By Rachael LarimorePosted Thursday, Sept. 11, 2008, at 4:05 PM ET

Also in Slate, Emily Bazelon writes about what it's like for the kids who move away.

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We decided to wait until about a month before the move to talk with Brandon, since even that time span is an eternity to a 4-year-old. We pulled out a map, showed him where we lived and where Sammy would be moving, and explained that we'd try to visit. I'd been so nervous about telling him that when I did, my voice cracked a little and I almost cried. He looked at me sternly and said, "Mommy don't talk like that!" I'm still not sure if he was mad or sad. But the news took some time to sink in. And once it did, he had the perfect solution: "Mommy, can we move, too?" Even after several long conversations about how we had moved to Cincinnati so that we could be near his grandparents and cousins, he didn't quite get it. One day I showed him the picture of Sammy's new house from the online real estate listing, and he asked, "Where's the lot for us to build our house next door?"

We answered his questions the best we could—over and over—and we listened and gave him lots of hugs when he was sad. And we let him hang out with Sammy as much as we could, even indulging them with sleepovers.

And when the big moving day came, it was rather anticlimactic. We watched as our friends packed a few last things in the car, snapped some pictures, the kids hugged, and that was that. We were at my parents' house for dinner that evening when my cell phone beeped. Our neighbor had sent us a picture of Sammy with the text line, "Miss You!" I snapped my own picture and responded.

And it quickly hit me that kids today, even kids as young as 4 or 5, don't have to be traumatized by a move, because it's so much easier to stay in touch. When I was young and one of my friends moved across the country, we exchanged a few letters but rather quickly lost contact with each other. But between e-mail, cell phones (no costly long-distance bills!), and even Webcams (a trick we haven't tried yet), kids can maintain a semblance of friendship even over vast miles.

Brandon has adjusted well. On our way home from our summer vacation, we made a minor detour so that we could visit our former neighbors. Brandon was giddy at the surprise, and he and Sammy picked up right where they had left off. Back in Cincinnati, Brandon is still eager to have a best bud, though, and he's latched on to the little boy across the street who's the same age. And now that preschool has started, he comes home with stories about his classmates.

When we as parents are trying to impart life's lessons to kids—in this case, how to deal with losing a friend—I think it's important that we are open to the lessons we can be learning ourselves. Brandon soldiered on with his happy childhood, even though it was a little duller perhaps, and I got to learn that children can be stronger and more resilient than we give them credit for.