HOME / moneybox: Commentary about business and finance.

Babies for SaleTeaching Brangelina and other celebrities how to be better economists.

By Chadwick MatlinPosted Friday, July 25, 2008, at 11:44 AM ET

(Continued from page 1)

RSS

Related in Slate

Daniel Engber explained how paparazzi sell their photos. Ellen Tarlin "begged" Africa to adopt Britney's kids. Jack Shafer said evolution could be the culprit of our celebrity obsession. Ron Rosenbaum bashed the worst celebrity profile ever written. Jacob Weisberg described the silliness of politicians acting like celebrities.

For the PSP, Spelling's reality-show business model provides space between mother and child. It can revive your career not because you've had a kid, but because you're pregnant. Sure, you'll have to allow your rediscovered and newfound fans to reach climax by showing the baby once it's born. Give your pictures to as many magazines as possible to maximize exposure, and give different pictures to each magazine so they're still labeled as exclusives and will get more prominent placement. After that, though, you can hunker down in the Hollywood Hills, "concentrate on motherhood," and be given a whole new slew of more mature roles in TV and movies. (The jury is still out on whether Spelling will lease her son's persona out like she's done with her own or will resist temptation like Donna Martin.)

Time: one to two weeks after birth to allow for breathing room and for a bit of suspense. Given that the baby photos must be shared with the public, the final episode of the pregnancy can be timed to be in concert with the final episode of the season. Synergy is crucial when you're managing a brand.

Money: Either follow the NWHOG charity model or give the pictures away for free. Morality is keeping you from maximizing profits, but that's what makes you a PSP.

The Reclusive Artist Type
Objective: RATs' purpose is to keep the paparazzi as far away from them and their children as possible.

Distribution: From an economist point of view, RATs have the most counterintuitive model. In order to keep the paparazzi away, you need to make the baby's life more public than you'd like. Flooding the market will overwhelm the supply side of the equation and correspondingly reduce demand for the pictures. The pictures should be of good-enough quality to be printed in a magazine, so the paparazzi aren't needed to take higher-quality shots than those provided. Also, a blog outreach strategy could strip the glossies and tabloids of their power. After a few weeks of this overload, the public should lose interest since there are only so many times somebody can look at the same adorable face. You're trying to induce nausea, not compliments.

Nicole Kidman is a role model for RATs everywhere. She and husband Keith Urban have reportedly turned down million-dollar paydays. They haven't decided whether to release any photos at all, but if they're smart economists, they will. Otherwise, the exclusivity of pictures on the market will spike demand and lead to incentives for hawkish paparazzi.

Time: The spate should begin ASAP. Hospital photos should be followed by pictures of the homecoming, the newborn's room, and the newborn's diapers after they've been soiled.

Money: $0

The key takeaway for celebrities is that you control the supply chain. Act like your child's publicist—control the narrative, manage the appearances, and play to the audience. You should be used to that kind of lifestyle.