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Federal Judge Alex Kozinski's 1996 Slate Diary

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Posted Friday, July 26, 1996, at 1:26 AM ET

Chief judge of the U.S. 9^th Circuit Court of Appeals Alex Kozinski admitted to the Los Angeles Times this week that he has maintained a Web site with sexually explicit photos and video. The judge, who claimed he did not know the site's material had been publicly accessible, is currently presiding over an obscenity trial, causing critics to call for Kozinski to recuse himself. In a 1996 "Diary," Kozinski shared details from his personal and professional life. The article is reprinted below.

Day Seven
Monday, July 29, 1996
A while ago, my wife started talking about getting a boat.

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"No way," I said. "Jews don't belong on boats."

"Don't be silly," she replied. "The Old Testament is full of Jews who were mariners. Think about Noah."

"That was a case of dire necessity. Anyway, as I recall, he put up a big fight."

"OK," she insisted, "What about Jonah?"

"Proves my point," I said. "He got eaten by a fish."

"Well, Jesus was a fisherman," she insisted.

"Sure," I said, "And look what happened to him."

Some ideas can't be stopped, however, especially once my boys get into the act. They thought it was a great idea, so I reluctantly agreed. Of course, I don't know the first thing about boating, so whenever I'm out there on Big Bear Lake, as I was this past weekend, these absurd Dr. Seuss rhymes keep popping into my head. I feel a twang of reluctance about sharing them with the world--they would surely make me cringe if uttered by someone not of my faith--but self-mockery has always been an important component of Jewish humor, so here goes:

Jews and Boats

Jews and boats, boats and Jews.
Such a sight will sure amuse.

Why do they do it? I can't say.
All day long they play and play.

Say!
Look, two crawdads
they have caught ...
Such tasty crawdads
can't be bought.

But
they'll go free after a while,
'cause they're not even kosher style!

Tight and bright,
are their suits.
Their Bump-R-Tubes
are real beauts.

In the boat they jump,
Oh, dear!
To play some water games,
I fear!

I do not like
to tie a rope.
I cannot do it,
I cannot cope!
Slip knots, square knots, knots galore,
Oh! What a pain! Oh! What a bore!

It's so confusing
for a sport.
Which way's starboard,
which way port?

The kids are bumped
Bump!
Bump!
Bump!
Bump!
And in water
they get dumped.

I notice that
the engine's hot.
What is wrong?
Oh, quite a lot!

The water pump,
the rectifier.
What is that?
Please don't inquire.
A new propeller's
needed too.
And a tuneup's
long overdue.