When We Return …

Nope, I didn't make it to NBC's Monday event, an affair I later heard likened to a maze, Ikea, and mild insanity. The word is that it also was absolutely free of news—which, by the standards of an entertainment industry event, is really saying something. And yet, those reporters who were able to put themselves in an ad buyer's shoes—Docksiders, let's say—thought it did a fine job of "moving the conversation away" from NBC (They're No. 4!) and toward NBC Universal (still a conglomerate to be reckoned with). As if the execs were stealing their spin moves from that other great arena of American showbiz, presidential politics.

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I heard many such remarks at a cocktail party thrown Monday night by Hulu, the fledgling video site that represents a joint venture of NBC Universal and Fox. The party, held in the kind of awful bar where the margaritas are all sugar and the waitresses wear bustiers, made a number of impressions—primarily that, by being there, you were missing a much better party. Indeed, the most important ad buyers seemed to find their way out in time to make it to the William Morris Agency's dinner by the soup course. And yet we all agreed that Hulu CEO Jason Kilar is a charmer—"so non-douchey," as one entertainment reporter put it—remarking at the contrast between old-school Silicon Valley humility and big TV braggadocio.

Meanwhile, ABC roused reporters from bed for an early-morning press conference that said almost nothing, though with great pith and an attempt to "move the conversation" with talk of new ratings devices allowing advertisers to know precisely which portions of their commercials you watch, how much you earn, and maybe what you had for breakfast. Taking a conservative approach to the fall and trusting that last season's respectable efforts (Pushing Daisies, Dirty Sexy Money) will catch fire, they showed clips from only two new shows. First was Life on Mars, David E. Kelley's adaptation of a BBC time-trip detective program. If I followed the product placements correctly, the cop hero steps out of his Jeep Cherokee, goes to check his iPhone, gets hit by a car, and wakes up in one piece in 1972, where he commits anachronisms to a glam-rock soundtrack. Second was Opportunity Knocks, a reality show involving Ashton Kutcher driving onto your front lawn to run a game show. But there was a glitch on the voice-over track, and ABC exec Stephen McPherson cut the clip with a one-liner about Dancing With the Stars' Marlee Matlin. The joke was witty and impressively risky: What is the sound of hands clapping at a joke about the hearing-impaired?

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Troy Patterson is Slate's television critic.

Photograph of television set © 1999-2008 Getty Images.

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