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Do-Over Dos and Don'tsThe NBA dares to trifle with the sports-time continuum.

By John Swansburg
Posted Friday, March 7, 2008, at 12:15 PM ET

(Continued from page 1)

These are the kinds of crazy questions you face when you dare to trifle with the sports-time continuum. After a bit of dithering, the NBA came up with a set of replay rules inspired more by pragmatism than a platonic ideal of the replay. The Hawks and Heat will both be allowed to sub in their new players (Marion, Bibby, and the rest) at will, and neither team's castaways will be trucked in for cameo appearances. This saves the NBA from having to worry about getting Shaq back to Arizona in time for the Suns' game on Sunday against the Spurs. But the league's decision also means Hawks-Heat Part II will look nothing like Hawks-Heat Part I. The players will be different, the refs will be different, and even the fans will be different—the Hawks aren't honoring tickets from the Dec. 19 game. The only constant, in fact, will be Atlanta's hometown stats guys, none of whom lost their jobs despite demonstrating an inability to count to six.

In the mind of a fan, the replay is a tantalizing opportunity to write a counterfactual history: What would have happened if Shaq hadn't fouled out? But Hawks-Heat Part II suggests that this is a virtually impossible promise to fulfill. Given everything that's changed since the casus belli, you'll get a better approximation of what might've happened in the last minute of the Dec. 19 game by watching … the last minute of the Dec. 19 game. Reviewing the tape, it isn't at all clear that Pat Riley actually wanted Shaq on the court for that last minute. Remember, the Heat was down 3 at that point, and Shaq is an abomination at the free-throw line (and both teams were in the penalty). Even if Shaq hadn't been improperly ejected, he may well have sat out the last minute of play.

Still need proof that Saturday's minute-long replay will be inauthentic? No less an arbiter of fairness than the director of the sports book at Las Vegas' MGM Mirage has said the casino will not honor the results. The NBA, of course, is likely less concerned with ensuring a fair outcome here than with assuring that such an error isn't made again. The league probably sees the replay as a punitive measure—a punishment for Atlanta for conduct unbecoming an NBA franchise. The irony is that the Heat, the victim in this soap opera, is being punished as well. They initiated the protest back before Christmas, when they were still trying to salvage a respectable season; now, they're fighting the Timberwolves and the Grizzlies for the worst record in the league and all the lottery balls that come with that honor. They'd just as soon take the loss and be done with it.

But like it or not, for 51.9 seconds on Saturday night John McCain will have no chance of winning the GOP nomination, I Am Legend will be atop the box office, and it will once again be Hawks 114, Heat 111. And this intrepid reporter will be heading to Atlanta to take it all in. For though this undertaking may be absurd, it offers a rare chance to tell a cautionary tale that needs telling, something for every sports fan to consider before crying "protest!" The Democratic National Committee, currently contemplating do-over primaries in Michigan and Florida, ought to study the game as well. Perhaps Howard Dean could learn something from Pat Riley, who coached Norm Nixon and the Lakers the last time the NBA forced a do-over and thus will be drawing on deep replay experience. Will Riley design the perfect minute of basketball and avenge Shaq's disqualification? Will Shawn Marion prove he's the NBA's greatest time traveler by helping to win a game that took place on the same night he scored 23 points for the Suns in Dallas? Check back in this space on Monday to find out and for a Slate first: a dispatch … from the past.

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John Swansburg is a Slate associate editor.
Photograph of Shaquille O'Neal by Barry Gossage/NBAE via Getty Images.
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