Mitt Romney
Foodee's Pizza, Milford, N.H., Dec. 28, 2007

Foodee's, a small gourmet pizza joint, is packed way beyond fire-code regulations. Even worse, I've been outbabied. A woman 15 feet away from my table shoves her elementary-school-age daughter in Romney's face for an announcement. "My name is Susie (not her real name), and I have juvenile diabetes!" she chirps.

Hell, I can't compete with that. After Mitt discusses the nuances of insulin injections, he and his wife, Anne, migrate in the opposite direction. Has Dahlia, my presidential candidate magnet, lost her charm? Eventually, the former first couple of Massachusetts do swing back our way and eagerly cradle her for a snapshot. Glancing at the photo later, it looks like I'm giving up my baby for adoption to some rich folks. I suspect that's because most of my other photos don't include the candidate's spouse.

In any case, Mitt foolishly declares he can't tell if Dahlia's a boy or a girl. I agree that her bald head might throw you off the gender trail, but would any self-respecting dad put his boy in socks like these? Upon verification of her Double-X chromosomes, Mitt declares she's a "sweetie." I can't tell if Dahlia is charmed or not, but I don't have the heart to tell her that Romney says that to all the 5-month-old girls.