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Dressed DownEmily Yoffe talks with readers about trampy 'tween styles and modest back-to-school alternatives.

Posted Thursday, Aug. 30, 2007, at 7:21 PM ET

Slate writer Emily Yoffe was online Thursday, Aug. 30, to take readers' questions about inappropriate back-to-school clothes for 'tweens. An unedited transcript of the chat follows.

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New York: I don't quite understand why companies are marketing these low rise jeans to girls in the 'tween set ... anyone who reads any fashion magazine has seen high rise jeans skyrocket into popularity again. Do they just want these girls to be slutty and unfashionable?

Emily Yoffe: Please, please tell me high rise jeans are making a return. I can't be soon enough.

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Arlington, Va.: For the mid-20s professionals: New York & Company, Banana Republic, and Ann Taylor (I think Ann Taylor Loft is geared toward a slightly older demographic). They can be pricy still, but if you're lucky you can catch things on clearance or end-of-season sales.

Emily Yoffe: Thanks for the advice. Good tips.

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Sydney, Australia: To be honest we don't have this problem as much over here—all public schools in Australia have a school uniform. Now, I don't mean a button-down shirt and tie or anything so formal, but a comfortable very casual uniform, like a polo shirt and pants for the boys and much the same for the girls. Sure, the kids have a bit of a heart attack about it all, but it certainly solved the problems of what kids were wearing to school everyday. Of course there is still the weekend, but this issue does not seem as big here.

Emily Yoffe: It actually sounds very appealing.

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Davis, Calif.: What about boys and their baggy pants? They try to look like thugs because it's the fashion. It's disgusting.

Emily Yoffe: I have heard from some mothers of boys who say they have to fight against tee shirts that say such things as "I'm an Idiot" or "Try and Make Me." Overall, though, boys clothes aren't as objectionable—they just look like a sea of blue and green to me.

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Long Island, N.Y.: Welcome to the world of an 11-year-old. I had the same problem. I solved the problem by taking my daughter shopping for one or two outfits at a time. We used the whole two months of summer to enjoy each other's company. Lowering the expectation and stress of quantity, you help lower the stress level. The other advantage is that you and your daughter have more quality time, and she learns where to get what she likes. My daughter was having a hard enough time with her changing body, she didn't need me to rub it in. Take time to read the list of rules from the school and then bring them with you for these short shopping trips. I have also found that doing this job well in advance also helps with the buyer's remorse. I try to give my daughter a budget. After a few trips, she wanted more clothes than her budget would allow. She then went back to the store with a very expensive pair of jeans and returned them herself without me asking her. She picked out two pairs of cheaper jeans and had $40 left over for more clothes. We only have one more week until school. All our shopping was done during the summer before the big rush, and now she is giving advice to her classmates about bargin shopping!

Emily Yoffe: Sounds like a great solution. There is something stressful about the "big shopping trip." We often reach a point that I think of as When Clothes Attack, when the clothes end up in a pile on the floor and there are tears (usually from me).

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Early 20s office worker: I bought some nice office clothes off of oldnavy.com The online shop seems to have (or at least had when I was shopping) many more office seperates then the actual brick-and-mortar stores do.

Emily Yoffe: More advice for the young cubicle dweller. Thanks.

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Killeen, Texas: I have an 11-year-old daughter, and I agree completely with your article. Finally somebody who spoke out. Let the kids be kids as long as they can. Weren't we told that the people we attract depends on what we wear? We complain about predators and sexual offenders, but on the other hand the clothing companies only offer skimpy outfits? What message does that deliver? I wish that all mother of young girls would boycott buying those clothes. Hurray for you and thanks again.

Emily Yoffe: Thanks so much. Yes, if no one bought this stuff, they wouldn't keep making it. It's been interesting to hear from some mothers who think I'm way off base.

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Washington: I'm going to go out on a limb and agree with you on the cat shirt. It's ... a euphamism. And it looks like a euphamism. I did a double-take when I saw it in your article! But maybe my mind is just in the gutter permanently from too many John Waters movies...?

Emily Yoffe: This is a reference to the stylized pink cat on the Baby Phat logo. I agree that it's not meant to evoke innocence.

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Washington: Decent but stylish office wear: Try consignment shops and thrift stores. Also, if you're short, look for miniskirts and capris: On me (five feet tall), they are the perfect length.

Emily Yoffe: Another good suggestion on grown-up wear.

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Arlington, Va.: Old Navy has different cuts of jeans this year, including "The Sweetheart," which is high-rise ... so they might be coming back in style.

Emily Yoffe: I can't wait. And yes, high rise eventually had to come back into style.

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Emily Yoffe: Thanks everyone for your prespectives and suggestions for shopping for a 'tween—and for your own professional looking clothes. Happy back to school!

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COMMENTS

Remarks from the Fray:

Although I enjoy your Dear Prudence column, I feel as though you have been unfair in this thread by not posting messages from parents who have a different view point from your own unless they were poorly written. Shame on you for putting up straw men.

Also, I would like to put in my two cents on the thong debate. I began wearing thongs when I was about 13, primarily b/c I was embarrassed by VPL (visible panty lines). (In my opinion, VPL can be just as trashy and sexually suggestive as a lacy thong.) There are thongs on the market that are, believe it or not, pretty demure. In fact, the Pink line from Victoria's Secret, which you so snarkily maligned in your article, offers some cute thongs and other types of underwear that are age-appropriate for young teens. Also, as I am now in my mid-twenties, I can attest to the fact that wearing thongs in one's early teens does not mean that one is going to be sexually promiscuous.

Finally, I work in the retail industry and I can tell you that trapeze style shirts (which are cut to be fitted but not tight in the shoulders and loose in the torso area) are all over the market. I've seen these tops at H&M, Old Navy, Steve and Barry's and other stores. The overall trend in the women's and young women's market right now is towards large, blousy shapes. It may sound odd, but since most women's lines now come in 0 and 00, and many items in the lines skew young, you may want to try looking in the women's departments for your children. Conservative clothes are alive and well there. Jumpers worn with t-shirts underneath are especially trendy for fall.

--vatonyc

(To reply, click here.)

One commenter asked why girls don't want to be children anymore. A better question might be: when did children EVER want to be children? They play at dolls, or construction equipment, or war not realizing that the adult reality is quite different from what they imagine. They sit around bored in idle moments not realizing that someday they'll miss having nothing to do. When given the chance to do so, they frequently choose to wear the same clothing that they see the adults they look up to wearing. If that clothing happens to be butt-huggers and wife-beaters, or thongs and low-rise jeans, so be it. This has been going on for as long as adults and children have worn different clothing. It is nothing new.

While comparisons between dress codes and burkhas are overblown, they do have a basis in reality. What does one typically hear from traditional Muslims in response to the notion of women wearing something more revealing than burkhas? Usually something along the lines of "What?! If they don't cover themselves, then men will be unable to control themselves, their minds filled with lustful thoughts!".

Compare that with "She can't wear that to school! It'll be a distraction to the other students and a disruption of learning!". Somehow, we Western adults get along quite well without shapeless robes; most of the time, we're even able to control ourselves and conduct professional business. Likewise, my memories of teenagehood are of being able to go about business quite nicely even with supposedly 'distracting' clothing being worn by my fellow students.

If you're used to seeing a particular style of clothing, either on a single person, or on most of the people around you, it ceases to be a distraction. It becomes part of the lay of the land.

--feline74

(To reply, click here.)

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