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sports nut: The stadium scene.

The Lunatic's Guide to College FootballCrawling fan message boards for trash talk, insider knowledge, and photos of Darren McFadden's car.

By Justin Peters
Posted Wednesday, Aug. 29, 2007, at 4:24 PM ET

(Continued from page 2)

Wishful thinking: Optimistic Golden Domers like to brag about the team's tight end and punter. That's like saying your tenement has very nice windowsills.

Bizarre fixation: If you're going to predict what might happen in your team's first game, you might as well be really, really, really precise about it: "Armando Allen will return a squib kick for a touchdown."

Ohio State
Although the Buckeyes will miss wide receivers Anthony Gonzalez and Ted Ginn Jr., replacements Brian Robiskie and Ray Small are getting lots of hype. With head coach Jim Tressel's defense and special teams as solid as ever, hopes are high in Columbus—just as long as they don't lose to Tressel's former team, Youngstown State, a fate that would cause at least one fan to "quit my job, drop out of Ohio State and move to Taiwan and become a Hebrew minister."

What to watch for: The message boards are pessimistic about OSU's pass offense after the departure of Heisman Trophy winner Troy Smith. Don't expect too much from starter Todd Boeckman, who has been indicted by some for an alarming lack of game experience and questionable leadership skills. The boarders' preferred QB: backup Rob Schoenhoft.

Wishful thinking: Winning playing time based on merit is one thing, but even the message boards know that nepotism makes the world go round: "I read if you're related to somebody who has played at Ohio State, they will put you on their practice squad. …When I go to Ohio State to major in Sports Journalism, this is what I am going to do. I won't stop there, because I will try to dress and make the team." Stop the presses!

Bizarre fixation: Are the leaf stickers on OSU's helmets green or black? Or dark gray? Or blackish-green? And can these leaves be purchased in stores? I could go on and on about this for 21 pages, but it's already been done.

Arkansas
With the Dick brothers at quarterback, Arkansas should be competitive in the SEC. Still, what happens with the actual team this year is almost irrelevant—the most exciting Razorback action is online. The Arkansas boards are the most batshit crazy in all the land: Last year, one fan went so far as to FOIA head coach Houston Nutt's phone records to try to get the coach fired.

What to watch for: After finishing second in the Heisman balloting in 2006, tailback Darren McFadden is the favorite to win the award. Posters are drooling over D-Mac's fancy-pants Web site: a slick cornucopia of McFaddeniana, featuring stats, testimonials, and photos galore. Naturally, the boards have filled in the few gaps that the official site has neglected. Namely, shots of McFadden's sweet, sweet ride.

Wishful thinking: Think McFadden is fast? Safety Michael Grant's good-for-football time of 10.41 seconds in the 100-meter dash might well mean he's the fastest guy on the team … if not the entire world.

Bizarre fixation: Razorback fans still can't get enough of Mitch "Mr. Interception King" Mustain, the former Arkansas QB who, before transferring to USC, famously called Houston Nutt a "dork." Although the message boards don't like Nutt very much, they don't like detractors like Mustain who cut and run, either: "[A]t least have the nads to say it to the coaches face instead of back-stabbing him before you come and after you left. You're not a man."

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Justin Peters is a writer in New York, and the editor of Polite.
Photograph of Pete Carroll by Lisa Blumenfeld/Getty Images. Photograph of George W. Bush giving "Hook 'Em Horns" sign on Slate's home page by Paul Buck/AFP/Getty.
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Remarks from the Fray:

Alabama definitely has some crazy message board fans. They alternate between praising new coaches as the second coming of Bear Bryant, then crucifying the same guy a few years later if he doesn't meet alumni expectations.

Bama message board are also the hatching places of plots- one time I saw a man lay out a rather intricate plan to destroy a part of a rival's campus that has historic meaning. He gained a few followers before he was given the message board equivalent of a good ol' boy beatdown by some of the old guard, who, while crazy about Alabama, manage to maintain a sense of honor and respect.

Finally, small groups of Bama fans have even colonized the message boards of other schools without a strong athletic tradition, just so more reasonable people have a place to congregate. These are my favorite, because every two months or so there's a post from a confused fan of the non-football school, to the effect of "Who are all you people and why are you talking about Alabama on my Small Liberal Arts College's football team's message board?"

I'm a big Alabama fan myself, but I can't even begin to jump into the chaos of the message boards. I wouldn't have time for anything else!

--Cat804

(To reply, click here.)

If you were to check any reputable Notre Dame football blogs and message boards, you'd find optimism and excitement over this year because the chip has returned to the shoulders of players and coaches alike. No one ever expects much from the underdog.

Notre Dame QB-hopeful Jimmy Clausen was not arrested; rather he was cited outside a popular South Bend liquor store a stone's throw from campus because he was with legal-aged friends who were buying alcohol, a situation not a;; that rare for many college-aged people. He was indeed guilty of bad judgment and should have known better, especially with his new place in the public eye cemented more every day. But to give you an idea of the situation, if a father went into the store, bought a bottle of wine, and returned to his car where his children had been waiting, they all could have been cited. Gotta' love South Bend, where you can't even buy alcohol on Sundays.

GO IRISH!

--notretim

(To reply, click here.)

I just wanted to note that although most of the Nick Saban bashing is immature, for some LSU fans and others the root cause is more than just a "sour grapes" attitude. Around the time he left the Dolphins for a major LSU rival, the formerly beloved coach was recorded/quoted using an ethnic slur against "Cajuns" in the course of a disparaging anecdote. Faux pas! His excuse that the story was "off the record" didn't really mollify anyone. The man well and truly burned his bridges with a culture and fan base that had in the past embraced him.

--Bridgette Parker

(To reply, click here.)

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