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Cocktail Chatter: NBA Playoffs EditionHow to fake your way through the postseason.

By Justin Peters
Posted Tuesday, May 8, 2007, at 11:27 AM ET

(Continued from page 1)

Conversation starter: "Don Nelson's teams might not play pretty basketball, but they know how to win."

Conversation stopper: "Hey, fratty-looking stranger, how 'bout that Chloe from Project Runway?"

Jazz talking points: Show that you're conversant in all forms of basketball by arguing that the Jazz are the NBA's closest thing to a WNBA team: They're composed of an unheralded group of players who always play hard and completely buy in to the "team basketball" concept. Also, Matt Harpring runs like a girl.

Historical context: In his 19th season with the Jazz, coach Jerry Sloan is as much of a Utah institution as the Mormon Tabernacle or 3.2 beer. According to many of his former players, playing for Sloan is about as much fun as getting drunk on 3.2 beer in the Mormon Tabernacle.

Conversation starter: "Mehmet Okur might be the most overlooked impact player in the NBA."

Conversation stopper: "Those refs in the first series were more forgiving than Andrei Kirilenko's wife!"

Western Conference semifinals: Spurs vs. Suns

Spurs talking points: It's human nature to want to attribute the Spurs' success to somebody other than Tim Duncan—he's been so consistent over the past 10 years that there's nothing new to say about the guy, Joey Crawford notwithstanding. But if you find yourself crushing on Tony Parker or Manu Ginobili, stop—Duncan's the man, he's always been the man, and, as long as he's got his legs, he always will be.

Historical context: The Spurs are the only professional sports team in San Antonio, a town that's also home to the Alamo, site of a famously bloody territory dispute in 1836. The Texans holed up inside the Alamo vowed never to surrender or retreat, even in the face of insurmountable odds, but the Spurs will probably take a timeout if the Suns go on a run. Screw you, history!

Conversation starter: "Robert Horry doesn't deserve his reputation as Mr. Clutch."

Conversation stopper: "Duncan, shmuncan … Beno Udrih's the real heart and soul of the Spurs."

Suns talking points: Although the Suns led the league in scoring, a surprising portion of their offense came from 3-point shots. You'll feel like Marc Stein when you tell your friends that the Suns' chances against the Spurs' stingy defense (third-best in the league) will rise or fall on the outside J. The Marc Stein comparisons will end when you punctuate your remarks by mock-shooting an invisible basketball and repeatedly making the "swish" sound.

Historical context: In 39 years of existence, the Suns have never won a title, but the people of Phoenix did throw them a 300,000-person strong "good effort" parade after they lost to the Bulls in the 1993 Finals. Aww, Phoenix, the Special Olympics of cities.

Conversation starter: "Leandro Barbosa might be the sixth man on the Suns, but he could start for any other team in the league."

Conversation stopper: "I hear the Oriental salad at Majerle's is to die for."

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Justin Peters is a writer in New York, and the editor of Polite.
Photograph of Tyrus Thomas by Gabriel Bouys/AFP/Getty Images. Photograph of Baron Davis by Brian Bahr/Getty Images.
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