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Zeitgeist Checklist: Gonzales Death-Watch EditionWhat Washington is talking about this week.

By Christopher Beam
Updated Saturday, March 17, 2007, at 12:08 AM ET

1. Last Week: 2 Weeks on List: 4 [UP ARROW]

Mistakes Were Made, Passive Verbs Were Used
Law. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales refuses to resign over the firing of eight U.S attorneys, despite pressure from both parties and the resignation of his chief of staff. "Mistakes were made," Gonzales says, adding, "I accept that responsibility"—just not the kind of responsibility that merits active sentence construction. A series of leaked e-mails indicate the attorneys were fired not for poor performance, as the Justice Department originally stated, but for reasons of loyalty. They will now be replaced with golden retrievers.

2. New This Week [UP ARROW]

If He Did It, and It, and It, and It, and …
Terrorism. Suspected al-Qaida operative Khalid Sheikh Mohammed confesses to orchestrating the 9/11 attacks as well as 30 other acts, past and future, including the 1993 World Trade Center bombing, the 2002 attack on the U.S.S. Cole, and the decapitation of journalist Daniel Pearl. O.J. Simpson may have just found the killer. Mohammed declares himself "not happy that 3,000 been killed in America." If only those darn office buildings hadn't gone around obstructing flight paths. Ever the history buff, Mohammed compares al-Qaida to George Washington: Had Washington been caught by the British, "for sure they would consider him enemy combatant." Which makes President Bush George III and 9/11 the Boston Tea Party.

3. New This Week [UP ARROW]

Boom Shakalaka
Sports. March Madness kicks off with the usual combo of crushed dreams and fulfilled dreams that will later be crushed. In the tournament's first major upset, Duke goes down to Virginia Commonwealth—a scandal, although perhaps not by Duke standards. D.C. locals George Washington University get trampled by Vanderbilt, although Georgetown and Maryland redeem the nation's capital by demolishing Belmont and Davidson, respectively. And then there were 32.

4. New This Week [UP ARROW]

Rear Admirals
Homosexuality. In an interview with the Chicago Tribune, Gen. Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, calls homosexuality "immoral." Sen. Sam Brownback defends Pace's remarks, adding: "I do not believe being a homosexual is immoral, but I do believe homosexual acts are." That coming from a man whose last name is a homosexual act. Meanwhile, the number of gays discharged from the military under "don't ask, don't tell" drops by half in 2006, presumably due to the need for warm bodies. Warm, gay bodies, right, Gen. Pace?

5. New This Week [UP ARROW]

Be It Resolved That Nothing Is Resolved
Congress. A binding resolution that would pull troops out of Iraq by the end of March 2008 hits the Senate floor—and promptly fails. A House appropriations bill with similar aims is slated for debate next week. If it passes, say hello to Bush's little friend: Judge Veto. Meanwhile, the Senate approves legislation that would allot larger homeland-security grants to states with greater risk of terrorist attack. Sen. Craig Thomas, R-Wyo., isn't pleased: "Some people think all we have is cows and sheep," he says. He's right—Khalid Sheikh Mohammed has vowed to take out every last one of them.

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Christopher Beam is a Slate political reporter.
Illustrations by Vivian Selbo.
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