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Zeitgeist Checklist: SOTU, So What?What Washington is talking about this week.

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This Calls for a Task Force
6. New This Week [UP ARROW]Congress. Democrats and Republicans on Capitol Hill announce competing resolutions regarding Bush's decision to send 21,500 more troops to Iraq, with Democrats criticizing the "escalation" and Republicans criticizing the "augmentation." But in a poignant display of bipartisan cooperation, both parties agree they won't do a damn thing about it.

Flaccid Earnings
7. New This Week [UP ARROW]Business. Ford Motor Co. posts a $5.8 billion loss for 2006, the equivalent of a Mustang a minute. Cheney issues a statement congratulating the company for its "enormous successes." Meanwhile, Pfizer, the maker of Viagra, announces that it's eliminating 10,000 jobs after its own billion-dollar losses. Analysts expect an upturn in 2007, but warn that if it lasts more than four hours, investors should consult their broker.

He Didn't Invent the Deficit, Either
8. New This Week [UP ARROW]Hollywood. Al Gore, Hollywood-for-Ugly-People's emissary to Hollywood, is going to the Oscars after his global-warming movie wins two nominations. The last time Gore got mixed up with Hollywood, he was embellishing his role in Love Story. And thank God he did! Otherwise, we might be stuck with a president who was right about both Iraq wars, nuclear proliferation, the Social Security "lockbox," and the global-climate crisis.

You Can Tell Simon's Rambling If His Mouth Is Open
9. New This Week [UP ARROW]Celebrity. American Idol judge Paula Abdul denies that she was drunk after rambling incoherently during interviews; Cheney defends Abdul's performance as "positively Fergilicious." And supermodel Gisele Bündchen claims that any girl with strong family support can avoid anorexia. To prove her point, she then chows down a Grape Nut.

Don't You Dare Laugh, Peyton Manning
10. Last week: 9 Weeks on list: 3 [DOWN ARROW]Sports. Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy and Chicago Bears coach Lovie Smith are the first African-Americans to lead their teams to the Super Bowl; Smith is also the first Preposterously Named American to lead his team to the big game since Weeb Ewbank, who led the New York Jets to victory in 1968. Wasn't Joe Gibbs one of his assistants?

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Michael Grunwald, a staff reporter for the Washington Post, is the author of The Swamp: The Everglades, Florida, and the Politics of Paradise.
Illustrations by Vivian Selbo.
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