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Afternoon De-LiceThe lousy education of your kids.

Compiled by Geoffrey Andersen
Posted Tuesday, Jan. 2, 2007, at 3:01 AM ET

Ignorance really is bliss. The Fray has taught me many things I was happier not knowing, like the toddler's terror of flush toilets. Responses to Emily Yoffe's Fine Whine have been another teaching experience for this baldish guy without kids. Teachers are clearly filling their students' heads with something—even if it is just a nasty case of nits.

Wondering aloud, rundeep asks:

How can you have a school-age child and not know that lice are back, bigtime? There's been more ink on the topic than on the bedbug scare in New York City. The lack of strong pesticides in our lives may have had something to do with both. [...]

TheRanger provides a pretty convincing account for the new epidemic's root:

According to schools, lice are transmitted by:
1. Trading combs
2. Trading hats
3. Contact person to person [...]

Hmmmm. Let look at the transmission list. How many 4th grade boys even own a comb much less use one? [...] Elementary classrooms tend to have coat rooms where the clothing is in immediate close proximity to the infected persons clothing for extended periods of time. Do lice really jump from one person to another? Doubtful that transmission happens this way compared to the coat room.

So why do schools promote these myths? [...] Because the school made him store his coat next to Jane who has lice. The school faces liability exposure, not to mention the problem of sending home discovered cases. The cost of treating lice is expensive with repetitive shampoos and bedding treatment, especially when reinfection happens again and again in the classroom. Of course the school will tell you that you botched the treatment which made it ineffective.

There is only one sure treatment for bedding and stuffed animals. Bag them in a sealed plastic bag for 3-4 weeks. This intrerupts the life cycle of the lice which requires feeding on a host.

The Fray is veritably swarming with low-cost treatment suggestions.

taki_girl suggests a robi comb—"a little battery powered electronic lice comb. When turned on, it makes a buzzing noise, and as you comb thru the hair, it shocks the lice and kills them when it touches them. it also stops buzzing when it touches a louse, so you know when you've gotten one."

rundeep can get the job done with a jar of mayo: "cover the head with mayonnaise or other heavy oil, and let it on there for a while. It drowns the little guys, is at least as effective as the Nix, and is, of course, a more organic solution."

Less exotically, nanfw recommends using hair conditioner: "A simple technique is using plain old hair conditioner and a very fine tooth comb. When conditioner is applied to dry hair, it temporarily stuns the lice so they are easily removed! [...] The lice are immobilized by the conditioner and easily removed, and the nits are fairly easy to find too. I have had to do this a couple of times with my son, and once with one of his friends who showed up for a weeklong visit with the worst infestation I have ever seen."

On a cautionary note, LannonMac warns against rubbing alcohol:

In my case I had genital lice, which I picked up at the YMCA. [...] My infestation took place in the pre-internet era, so I had very little information regarding killing lice, but I knew that rubbing alcohol will kill almost anything, so I doused my nether regions with rubbing alcohol (I must stress that this should NOT BE DONE!). As one might imagine the pain of rubbing alcohol on the genitals is severe, but it did appear to kill the little bastards.

After the pain subsided I called my Father for his sagely advice on killing genital livestock and was informed that alcohol was not going to kill the eggs. [...] I followed his instructions, as well as setting off several bug bombs in my apartment, and destroyed the little varmints.

Watch this space for the promised sequel—LannonMac versus the bed bugs.

Is there anything you can do to head this whole hassle off at the pass? Gilker_Kimmel angrily suggests the infested family can save us all a headache by canceling their travel plans:

I have no sympathy or patience with willful ignorance or the spread of vermin. [...] If the Yoffe family were at home, the problem would have been a shrug off. Kids - and sometimes adults -bring home lice. It happens. It's unfortunate, but it happens. You deal with it by carefully treating all clothing, bed linen, pillows, stuffed toys, carpets, and most especially PEOPLE! Nobody gets a pass because nitpicking is a lost art.

But when lice were found on the road, the Yoffe's apparently did nothing to warn their hosts, familial and commercial, of the potential for contamination.

Contracting head lice is no shame. Contracting head lice and going into denial is dumb. Contracting head lice and then trying to pretend that they are not a consideration for family, friends and travel accommodation providers is not just a shame but is shamefully irresponsible.

If you'd rather take a proactive stance, you might teach your kids the trick observed by topazz:

When my oldest daughter was in grade school, there was a lice outbreak one winter, and parents were going out of their minds about it. [...] My daughter rode a school bus that was pretty crowded, they had to sit 3 to a seat. Everyone was eyeballing everyone else's heads for any signs of movement, and paranoia ran wild.

One enterprising kid took matters into his own hands, so to speak - rather than risk sitting so close next to another kid and possibly have one of the little critters jump on board, he picked the snot right out of his nose and drew a mucousy wet line around the perimeter of his seat.

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Moira Redmond is a freelance writer and a former Slatester. You can e-mail her at .
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