Campaign 2008

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The diabolical geniuses behind Subway's "five-dollar foot-long" song.
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ad report card: Advertising deconstructed.

Ads We HateThe worst commercials on television.

By Seth Stevenson
Posted Tuesday, Dec. 26, 2006, at 5:32 AM ET

(Continued from page 1)

Please, please deal with the blasphemous Audrey Hepburn-skinny pant-AC/DC horror that seems to haunt me whenever I turn on the TV. (And since I don't have cable, and live in Maine, that's only three channels with ads!) I feel like it's perfect for Halloween—a possessed, dancing zombie terror that was once our dear Funny Face—but terrible for an ad campaign. I wasn't partial to the Gap before, and I can solidly swear that I won't go in now. Not when their pants are used in such a necromantic fashion.
—Monique Bouchard

I, too, was disturbed to see emblem of style Audrey Hepburn being used, without her consent, as a pitchwoman for Gap—the emblem of stylelessness. I'm really sick of celebrities being dug up from their graves to sell us products. I was similarly upset when Gap used the image of deceased rapper Common in a Christmas commercial. (What's that you say? Common's still alive? Sorry, but after making that ad, he's dead to me.)

Have you seen the new version of the shockingly violent VW ads? The driver and passenger are discussing THAT VERY AD CAMPAIGN and whether or not it is too shocking and violent! The conversation goes on longer than in previous ads, which lulled me into believing it was something new, and then just when I let my guard down … WHAM, they get T-boned like in the previous ads, with bodies and glass flying around the interior.
—Rachel Yamamoto

This Passat ad is extremely postmodern, with its ouroboros, self-referential framework. I hate it for two reasons: 1) What happens to the passenger-side woman who says she didn't like the previous set of crash ads? She gets an out-of-control SUV up her wazoo. Meanwhile, the driver, a defender of the older ads, gets off scot-free. This (plus the fact that this new ad is titled "Critique") suggests that the ad agency holds a grudge against anyone who dared take issue with the first set of spots. Let it go, already. 2) The whole campaign seems horribly misguided. The main effect is that whenever I see a VW these days, I reflexively duck and cover. Those things are always getting into violent accidents!

What's the target demographic for this Pepto Bismol ad? I'm guessing it's for 8-year old African-American boys from South Philly who were cryogenically frozen in 1984, recently woke up, and then ate too much pizza.
—H. W.

First there was Breakin'. Then there was Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo. The world demanded Breakin' 3: Alleviatin' Intestinal Discomfort, Yo!

Have you seen the latest ad for Travelers Insurance? They show a guy in a steel cage, photographing sharks, when one of the sharks almost breaks through the bars. So, the diver fires off his spear gun, which chases them away. Unfortunately, the spear pierces his boat, which blows up and sinks. The last shot is of this diver, trapped in the steel cage, being dragged to a slow and agonizing death. Perhaps the creepiest, most awful ad ever made, no?
—Ray Johnson

There should be a follow-up ad, with the guy still trapped in the cage, now sitting on the ocean floor. The sharks have almost battered a hole through the steel at this point, and their attacks are growing fiercer. He checks his regulator and finds he's running out of air. He realizes, with a lancing pang, that he will never see his family again. The camera holds on his despairing eyes, seen through the thick Plexiglas of his dive mask. The soundtrack is silent, save for the escaping bubbles that represent his final few breaths. Fade to Travelers logo.