Slate's Bizbox
five-ring circus: Scenes from the Olympics.

Still Watching the Winter Olympics

five-ring circus
entries
1234
from: Seth Stevenson
to: Troy Patterson

My Boys Take Home the Bronze

Posted Friday, Feb. 24, 2006, at 12:06 PM ET

Troy Patterson, Seth Stevenson, Dana Stevens, and Julia Turner discussed the Winter Olympics last week. To catch up on their conversation, click here.

Troy,

Let me first say that I adore Sasha Cohen. Her pinched little otter face. Her wide eyes—so big I want to take a long, languid Jacuzzi in them.

But last night was a straight-up choke. I'm not sure I've ever seen an athlete look quite as tight as she looked during her warm-ups. Muttering to herself; glancing nervously up at the rafters; pumping her tiny fist in a hollow attempt to boost her own confidence. I was certain she'd come out and totally biff her first jump. And of course she did. It was over before it started.

Which is OK. There's no shame in your game, Sasha Cohen. A silver medal is a fantastic accomplishment, and even more important: I still love you.

I was glad to see Japan get its first gold of these games, but Shizuka Arakawa's performance was oddly unmoving. Also, her dress was oddly trapezoidal. (I love how fashion is a perfectly valid point of critique in this sport. I feel like a young Dick Button.)

In the end, though, my heart went out to Irina Slutskaya. I just want to give this chubby-cheeked Russian a giant hug. At 27, she's a washed up has-been. I watched her stifle tears of disappointment on the podium, and I had to wonder what will become of her. What awaits her back home in Moscow, besides a mother battling kidney disease? Oh, Irina: Stay strong for me, girl.

The dominant story line coming out of the games will no doubt be the disappointing U.S. showing. But I say look on the bright side. Cut the American hegemon some slack, will you? People are feeling down because Bode was a bust, Apolo was somewhat underwhelming, and we didn't take ladies' figure skating gold. Yet as it stands, we're still second in the medal count, behind only Germany. And we're first by a country mile in terms of athletes acting like d-bags.

I have no idea what Hedrick and Davis are fighting about. You're right that they seem to be flirting, and it's high time they get a room. As for Bode Miller: Why are you so angry, dude? You have no one to blame but yourself. Maybe you should have trained with, like, weights, instead of pushing around a wheelbarrow or whatever your hick regimen was. D-bag.

Hold on, Troy—I am swelling with pride right now. My boys, just this minute, have won America's first ever Olympic curling medal. They held off Great Britain's furious charge, sealing the deal with a sweet little draw shot from skip Pete Fenson. They're taking home the bronze. USA! USA!

Fenson owns pizza parlors back in Bemidji, Minn., and as his rock slid to a stop just off the button—nudging the Brits' yellow stone out of its way—announcer Don Chevrier was moved to shout, "The pizza man delivers!" OK, maybe it's no "Do you believe in miracles?" But it'll do. When your heroes are Minnesotans wearing microfiber slacks, you take your drama where you can find it.

Can we talk about the X Games athletes, and how they're infinitely cooler, more likable, and now also more successful than the old-school Olympians? There's a sort of cultural revolution going on in Turin, and I'm fully onboard.

Seth

five-ring circus
entries
1234
from: Seth Stevenson
to: Troy Patterson

My Boys Take Home the Bronze

Posted Friday, Feb. 24, 2006, at 12:06 PM ET
Print This ArticlePRINTDiscuss this in The FrayDISCUSSEmail to a FriendE-MAIL
Share on FacebookPost to MySpace!Share with MixxDigg ThisShare with RedditShare with del.icio.usShare with FurlShare with Ma.gnolia.comShare with SphereShare with Stumble Upon
Troy Patterson is Slate's television critic. Seth Stevenson is a frequent contributor to Slate.
Troy Patterson, Seth Stevenson, Dana Stevens, and Julia Turner discussed the Winter Olympics last week. To catch up on their conversation, click here.


Photograph of Sasha Cohen by Goh Chai Hin/AFP/Getty Images.
Join the Fray: our reader discussion forum
What did you think of this article?
POST A MESSAGE | READ MESSAGES
Washington Post
The Washington Post
OPINIONS
Let the Oil Deals Flow
Raad Alkadiri | Congress should not interfere in the oil industry's contract negotiations with the Iraqi government.