Deleted Sentences (with author commentary)

These could be the deleted scenes from Brokeback Mountain with the Duke boys rolling around on top of each other, talking about anal probes and earnestly asking, "In prison, do you think they'll let you be my bunkie?"

This was deleted at the request of the editor who felt it was too obvious. The Duke boys really did say and do these things, but I guess that's what happens when you work with the big publications—you have to dumb down your article for a mass audience. Now I know what it feels like to be Terry Gilliam.

Knoxville and Simpson's personas are doubled and then tripled in an endlessly recursive series of manufactured identities. As Walter Benjamin noted, cinematic wholeness is verisimilitude, an appearance realized through technology. This thesis has never been more fully realized than in the hands of Chandrasekhar.

Again, dumbing down. Which is too bad, because really it's the reader who loses out, isn't it?

Is Jessica Simpson hotter than Johnny Knoxville? I don't think so, but if they had a baby it would be one hot baby and I could really get on board with that baby. Once it was 18, of course.

This was taken out for obvious reasons. Sometimes, my mom reads Slate and I've caused my family enough pain already.