“Dennis Farina, to Jon Hotchkiss, when asked, ‘Is the Friday, Oct. 23 episode of Buddy Faro, the one known as “Now You See Him, Now You’re Dead,” your favorite one of the season.?’ “–Jon Hotchkiss“Daphne Merkin. And she was smiling when she said it.”–Susan Vance“The foot massage boy at the Steinbrenner family cabana.”–Larry Amaros“That’s exactly what my wife said at Disney World and, I’ll admit, we were there about 10 days too long.”–Bill Franzen“Soon-Yi, reluctant to be dragged to Antz for the 22nd straight date.”–Brooke Saucier“I said it, last night, after they made me watch Felicity.”–Adam Bonin“Fans of Michael Bolton, trapped like rats in the Hollywood Bowl while he sings arias from six different operas.”–Judith Spencer“Anyone. To Kenny G. About his music.”–Deb Stavin“Unwitting purchaser of ticket to Holy Man.”–Paul Tullis“That’s actually the title of Philip Gourevitch’s new book. The subtitle is: ‘Dispatches From a Theater Showing A Night at the Roxbury.’ “–Tim Carvell“What every prepublication subscriber to Brill’s Content is now writing in urgent postcards to the editor.”–Ken Tucker“Jackie Chan, to Chris Tucker, after his all too irrepressible Rush Hour co-star harassed Chan to cast him in another movie.”–Andrew Cohen“Benjamin Netanyahu, to Bill Clinton, after over a week of ‘barbecue luncheons’ at the Wye Plantation. Those pork ribs and brisket were the only things Bibi and Yasser could agree upon.”–Cheryl Haaker“A gay man enlisting in the Army, waiting not to be asked so he doesn’t have to tell.”–Chuck Lawhorn“Ernest Hemingway’s readers to Ernest Hemingway about Ernest Hemingway’s mannered style in the later works.”–Jim O’Grady“Satan said this to God because he finally realized that God had been right all along and that he never, never, should have messed with him in the first place. All right, God!”–Dennis Cass“Earvin ‘Magic’ Johnson, begging to keep The Magic Hour on the air. ‘I’ll have to remember that line–it might work better some other time,’ Johnson was heard to say.”–Andrew “Not in Good Taste” Solovay“Marcy from Peanuts, upon getting whipped by a leather-clad Peppermint Patty (who’s shaved her Charlie Brown beard at last), while Nine Inch Nails’ Closer blares in the background.”–Matt Sullivan“Baa-Baa Black Sheep, to the shearer, after handing over those three bags full.”–Carrie Rickey“Anonymous reporter at Jay Leno’s press conference opposing the Taliban.”–Beth Sherman“Any number of average citizens whom I encounter in the course of my day.”–Tim Carvell“Madeleine Albright, to Benjamin Netanyahu, after becoming the latest victim of Bibi’s notorious ‘Tickle Torture.’ “–Charlie Glassenberg“Rep. Chuck Schumer (Liar, Layabout, Liberal) tires of his vituperative campaign with Sen. Al D’Amato and withdraws from the New York Senate race.”–Andrew Staples“The heroine of The Story of O. The line of dialogue was cut by the original editor for being too ‘on it’ but will be restored for the impending annotated edition illustrated by Isaac Mizrahi.”–David Finkle“Hillary Clinton, to Janet Reno, about going public with those Polaroids.”–Eliot Cohen“Departing White House Chief of Staff Erskine Bowles’ parting words to President Clinton. (Note to ‘Page Six’: His replacement, John Podesta, and family really liked Blues Brothers 2000.)”–Leslie Goodman-MalamuthFly Paper“Mrs. Newt Gingrich, listening to her husband explain for the umpteenth time why marriage, like the current constitutional crisis, is not about sex, it’s about lying.”–Jennifer Miller“Mike McCurry, at the end of his resignation letter to Bill Clinton. You know, the one that began ‘Dear stupid, philandering liar.’ “–Tim Wilson“President William Jefferson Clinton in a personal telephone call to Paula Corbin Jones after she reinstated her civil case against him. His use of the word ‘sir’ is a vain and futile attempt at gender blindness, indicating an exculpatory lack of sex drive.”–Marshall EfronSelf-Reference Corner“I said it just now, about Tim Carvell’s ‘News Quiz’ triple.”–Ananda Gupta“A reader of this feature when faced with another joke about Strom Thurmond’s age.”–Paul Tullis“Wow, I actually know this one! It’s Muhammad Ali. Is this what happens when your previous News Quiz answer has (finally) made it to the top of the list? You become all-knowing? I am so set.”–Tim Rogers“Michael Kinsley. To Bill Gates, who volunteered to publish another Slate ‘Diary.’ “–Norman Oder“Me, asking Randy to take me off the News Quiz list. (similarly Tim Carvell, Beth Sherman, Katha Pollitt, Peter Lerangis, Greg Diamond, Jennifer Miller, Jim O’Grady, Jon Hotchkiss, Ananda Gupta, David Finkle, Matt Sullivan, Deb Stavin, and Merrill Markoe)”–Nell Scovell
“Randy Cohen to Mike Kinsley, asking out of the News Quiz moderator gig.”–John Snell
