Newer RochelleAs deliciously Delphic as Alan Greenspan.

"Self-centered nonfiction by young white women whose boyfriends weren't very nice."--Chris Kelly

"Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them."--Merrill Markoe

"Only the notes attached to bricks hurled through my window. And even then I just skim."--Beth Sherman

"Hints from Heloise. And I'm pretty sure she said a blow job was an impeachable offense."--Alex Balk

"The Constitution backward for hidden messages about blow jobs. Ooh! There's one now."--Daniel Radosh

"The Constitution on Tape."--Jean Harrington

"My horoscope. Look, here's today's: 'You embarrass yourself with your stupid remarks.' It's uncanny!"--Steven L. Smith

"The Bible, except for the annoying parts such as the Ninth Commandment and the parts about Jesus being angry at hypocrites."--Gary Frazier

"The Scarlet Letter. Impeachment is too good for Clinton; I say we brand him like we would a prize Longhorn bull back in Texas!"--Andrew Staples

"At a second-grade level."--David Finkle

"Books that contain no words with more than two syllables. Er, not including the word 'syllable.' "--Floyd Elliot

"My gut--because, damn it, I'm a man!"--Barbara Lippert

"The warm entrails of a freshly killed goat."--David Rakoff

"Tea leaves. Who cares if the Gray Lady says people like him? Earl Gray says, 'Impeach the creep.' "--Nell Scovell (Gene Cluster had a similar answer.)

"Your minds. I'm reading them right now, America, and each and every one of you should be very, very ashamed. Save Florence Henderson, of course. And no, Florence, I'm NOT wearing any underwear."--Danny Franklin

"Teen People. Did you know that the Backstreet Boys all like ice cream?"--Tim Carvell

"Salon."--Chuck Lawhorn

"George Bush's lips."--Carrie Rickey

"The Satanic Verses."--Gene Cluster

"Well, umm, OK, so I don't know how to read. Are you jackals happy now?"--Chris Thomas

"The news today, oh boy, about a lucky man who made the intern ..."--Andrew Milner

"Linda Tripp's mind."--Jennifer Miller

"Martha Stewart Living. It's got everything!"--Leslie Goodman-Malamuth

"Ambrose Evans-Pritchard, the British journalist with a true understanding of American corruption."--Norman Oder

"That hilarious Family Circus. Why, this morning, Dolly mispronounced 'asparagus' as 'spare grass,' and I just about fell out of my chair."--Tim Carvell

"Reply All: The excruciating e-mail novel."--Ken Richardson

"News Quiz."--Ananda Gupta