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Republicans for Hillary, Part 3The right denounces her incompetent presidential campaign.

By Timothy Noah
Posted Wednesday, Oct. 15, 2003, at 5:53 PM ET

Last month, Chatterbox pointed out that the movement to draft Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., to run for president in 2004 was unlikely to succeed because it consisted almost entirely of conservative Republicans. The right's fixation on a Hillary run reflects GOP fund-raising imperatives, a longing to unite a splintered conservative movement, and the widespread winger conviction that the Clintons are vampires who cannot be killed and will come back to haunt the GOP again and again. Never mind that Sen. Clinton has repeatedly stated that she will not run for president in 2004 and that there's little inclination among Democrats to change her mind.

Now the story has entered its inevitable second phase. Having previously established to its satisfaction that Hillary is a candidate, the right is now knocking her for running a lousy campaign! Our text is an Oct. 13 dispatch on the Fox News Web site, headlined, "Clock Ticking for a Hillary Presidential Bid." The report notes that Hillary has dithered so long that "the drop-dead date has already passed" for a plausible candidacy. Stupid bitch! Her husband declared his candidacy on Oct. 4, 1991, and ever since, that date has been accepted by Democrats as an absolute deadline. (Nobody would dare out-procrastinate Slick Willie.) There isn't enough time to line up support in New Hampshire and Iowa. There isn't enough time to raise money. Soon it will be too late even to file for the primaries. Sheesh, is this is amateur night or what?

We now return to our regularly scheduled universe.

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Timothy Noah is a senior writer at Slate.
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