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Joe Fake-OutWhat's up Joe Millionaire's sleeve?

By Virginia Heffernan
Posted Tuesday, Feb. 11, 2003, at 12:29 PM ET
Evan and his butler in a non-finale finale

The finale of Joe Millionaire (Fox, Monday, 9 p.m. ET) advanced the show's theme of duplicity by not being a finale at all. Evan the non-millionaire didn't choose between Sarah, the former bondage star, or Zora, the enigma. Instead, he sat out virtually the entire show while FOX producers replayed scenes from previous episodes. Sarah's history was rehashed, including all of her great dates with Evan. Zora's history was rehashed, including the time that Evan asked her, "Did you get that breast in Paris?"

After heartlessly wasting viewers' time, Fox brought out Paul, the butler, who finally admitted that we weren't going to learn Evan's choice tonight. Instead, we'll have to wait until next week, Feb. 17, when, in a two-hour blowout, the deception will climax.

But Paul also said something else. He confirmed the rumor, set forth on Television Without Pity and other TV rialtos, that the concluding episode of Joe Millionaire will contain a twist. Another twist. Evan is not just a construction worker who's been lying to his dates about his net worth. Fox has also been lying to us about something.

People have said that Zora has been onto the ruse all along. That Evan is gay. That Zora and Evan are brother and sister. That Sarah and Zora know his secret and are conspiring against him.

In this spirit, I'm going to give my guess. I believe that, next week, poor man Evan will finally become a millionaire, courtesy of Fox. The network will give Evan the big money to quit the bulldozer life and keep Sarah or Zora—or anyone he likes—in style.

But remember: I thought Justin Guarini was a shoo-in for the first American Idol.

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Virginia Heffernan is a television critic for The New York Times. Her book, The Underminer, which she wrote with Mike Albo, comes out in February.
Still © 2003 Fox. All rights reserved.
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Notes From The Fray Editor:

This should be fun. Early on, clady thinks Sarah is the millionairess here (although how that would play out is up in the air); Thrasymachus backs up CaptainRonVoyage's theory (see below), saying it would be "right in line with the misogynistic swing of the series"; MrZero thinks Evan has to get sent to Iraq for it to be a real Fox production.


Remarks From The Fray:

You heard it here first: Evan is going to be offered a million dollars to walk away from his choice. It's a grand turning of the tables: all along he's been wondering if the women are into the "real" Evan or the money--now he will have to make the choice. My source is reliable but obviously wishes to remain anonymous.

-- tdore

(To reply, click here.)


If Zora--I mean, she--stays with Evan even though he's a lowly non-union construction worker (and former gay underwear model), Fox will give them $X million dollars. If she decides to leave him, Fox tells her about the money she could have won, then gives all the money to Evan as a consolation prize.

-- CaptainRonVoyage

(To reply, click here.)

Nice theories, but here's what will really happen:

Evan Marriott is revealed as the Celebrity Mole... Jeff Probst appears immediately and whisks the dashing Mr. Marriott off to a remote location for the filming of the next "Survivor" series, on which his fellow competitors include both the Bachelor and the Bachelorette, Johnny Knoxville from "Jackass", Simon Cowell, and the chair of Endemol entertainment...

The real twist comes with the arrival of Chuck Barris, who, in the midst of a full-on CIA delusion, proceeds to gun down the entire group while proclaiming himself the Once and Future King of Reality Television...

-- AnyaFanya

(To reply, click here.)

(2/11)

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