Dear Walter, Dear Chris,
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StumbleUponThe excitement here in Washington is palpable. It's either that or the fact that it's 16 degrees outside.
Let's just say this invade-Iraq thing is, as Martha Stewart would say of the idea of calling your broker with inside information, a bad thing. Further, that our commander in chief now realizes that he has bit off more than he can chew, and wants out—before it begins. (Just hypothesizing here, mind you.)
How, having painted himself into this corner, does he unpaint his way out of it? Machiavelli's classic rule was never to cut off your enemy's line of retreat; Buckley's First Corollary to Machiavelli's Rule is: Don't cut off your own.
A few options for tomorrow's State of the Union:
Option A: My fellow Americans, I've been thinking about this idea of invading Iraq, and you know, on second thought, I think it is, to use the current phrase, "the wrong war at the wrong time."
Advantage: He will be hailed, or at least forgiven, by the signatories of www.nion.us, including such geo-strategic thinkers as Joan Cusack and Wavy Gravy.
Drawback: According to the General Accounting Office, the cost of returning 150,000 American troops now stationed in and around the Gulf would be prohibitive.
Option B: My fellow Americans, much as I would like to neutralize a vicious dictator who is close to developing weapons of mass destruction, I have just been informed by the Rev. Billy Graham that the Bible specifically proscribes starting a war in the Middle East. As a Christian, I have no alternative but to order our troops to stand down.
Advantage: Would neutralize objections from the religious right.
Drawback: Liberals who support strict church-state division might object to such a blatant appeal to religion.
Option C: My fellow Americans, I have just received a personal communication from Saddam Hussein. Let me read it to you. Hold on, let me get my glasses. "Dear Mr. Bush, I have just ordered the destruction of all my weapons of mass destruction. I feel awful about misleading you and Mr. Rumsfeld, to say nothing about Mr. Blix and Mr. ElBaradei. What can I say? I haven't been myself. No more Mateus for this dictator! I feel sick at heart about the deterioration of relations between our countries and want to make amends. Be on the lookout for a larger container to arrive in Baltimore Harbor next week by ship. No peeking inside until it gets to the White House. It's a surprise!" I have sent Mr. Hussein a return letter stating that all is forgiven and that I look forward to receiving his gift and to a new era in U.S.-Iraqi friendship.
Advantage: Would show Mr. Bush to be big-hearted and that his adversaries have, once again, misunderestimated him.
Drawback: Might lose Republicans the Maryland vote in 2004.
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