Mama's Boys
From: Joel Whitebook
To: Glen Gabbard, Margaret Crastnopol, Philip Ringstrom, and Judith ShulevitzUpdated Monday, Dec. 2, 2002, at 11:52 AM ET
Who are these people?
Phil has difficulty finding a center in last night's show. I would like to suggest one, and it connects with his other point, that the show is winding down for the season. The theme of the magna mater (usually holding a casserole of pasta) has run throughout The Sopranos, and it was with us last night. We began with the murderous Livia, and now we've witnessed Paulie's murder of a mother.
Glen pointed out in his book that all these Italian tough guys are in fact mama's boys. Coming from the land of the Madonna, they all tend to idealize their mothers. In one of the funniest scenes from last week's show, all the other wise guys sprang from their chairs and began to pummel Christopher when he called his mother a whore. He had spoken the unspeakable.
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But a century of psychoanalysis has taught us that in the psyche, the image of the mother is more generally complex and often contains a darker, more ominous side. The same mother who has the power of life—to nourish, gratify, and sustain—also has the power of death. She can withhold, frustrate, and ultimately starve the infant. The oral generosity manifested in the endless flow of ziti, cannelloni, and lasagna from the Italian cucina has its counterpart in the greed of the old Italian grandmothers who scramble for the leftover bread at restaurants as though they were living in a situation of extreme scarcity. And, as Peggy points out, idealization of the mother often masks enormous hostility toward her—especially having to do with fear and envy toward her power.
Judith asks what we make of Paulie. He is presented as perhaps Tony's greediest and most conniving lieutenant. He is a confirmed bachelor with no ties to women who warns Christopher against taking on the encumbrances of marriage. We see him worming his way back into Tony's good graces after he realizes Johnny has been playing him for a fool. But he is also presented as idealizing his hapless mother. Paulie is the most dutiful and solicitous mama's boy of the bunch and even threatens a high-school principal to advance his mother's social life at the old folks home. At the same time, however, he has no compunction about stealing an old lady's stash and smothering her. We can speculate that he is capable of this because in his psyche the hated mother is so thoroughly split off from the idealized mother.
Tony is a more complicated story. Despite Livia's constant lack of gratitude and relentless scorn, Tony was—up to a point—the "nice Italian boy" who expended enormous effort trying to please this undeserving creature. But in his therapy with Melfi, and especially through his encounter with Gloria, Tony came to understand what a dark, destructive figure Livia actually was. Indeed, the more or less explicit hope in the therapy was that he could have confronted the full pain of the "bad"—and in this case literally murderous—mother. But the task apparently—and understandably—was too much. The amount of sadness, rage, and loss he would have had to endure was monumental. Finally, he threw in the therapeutic towel and resigned himself to being "a fucking gangster" from New Jersey. Last week's show ended on an ominous note. The dark woman at the top of the stairs suggests that, though he may have ended therapy, the ghost of the dead and deadly mother will continue to haunt him.
Now let's turn to Carmela, the other magna mater in the show. The claim that she is becoming liberated is a piece of wishful thinking. The whole tenor of the show is too complicated and dark to conclude with this sort of redemptive gesture. Carmela is a Madame Bovary, transplanted to the New Jersey suburbs. Like a romantic teenager, first she pined away for the priest and then for Furio. Although his technique stunk, Carmela's therapist was right. For Carmela to grow—to really become liberated—she would have to examine her life and her devil's pact with Tony. And that she's unwilling to do. Though it may have been a savvy move, stealing Tony's dirty money isn't an act of emancipation. And as Peggy points out, Furio is not a great improvement over Tony. He may have a sleeker body, a ponytail, and a yen for playing interior decorator, but he's still a brutal killer. It's interesting that at Meadow's dinner party, it isn't Tony, the political neanderthal, but Carmela who is outraged at the impact of gay culture in the academy.
As I've often argued, the only one who stands a chance of escaping the Soprano legacy is Meadow. And if she does, it will partly be due to the "goodness" she has internalized from her mother. It is unclear whether Tony's speech to Carmela at the end of the show is sarcastic or sincere. But it contains a lot of truth. Despite Carmela's disappointment, frustration, and loss—and despite the fact she can't transcend her own situation—she has helped to create the sort of intelligent, independent, and appealing daughter that she was hoping for.
Mama's Boys
From: Joel Whitebook
To: Glen Gabbard, Margaret Crastnopol, Philip Ringstrom, and Judith ShulevitzUpdated Monday, Dec. 2, 2002, at 11:52 AM ETGlen O. Gabbard, M.D., is a professor of psychiatry at Baylor College of Medicine and author of
The Psychology of The Sopranos, inspired by this discussion. Philip A. Ringstrom, Ph.D., Psy.D., is a senior faculty member at the Institute of Contemporary Psychoanalysis in Los Angeles. Joel Whitebook, Ph.D., is on the faculty of the Columbia Center for Psychoanalytic Training and Research. Margaret Crastnopol, Ph.D., is on the faculty of the Northwest Center for Psychoanalysis. All are practicing therapists as well. Judith Shulevitz writes the "Close Reader" column for the
New York Times Book Review. Jodi Kantor is
Slate's New York editor.
Notes From The Fray Editor II:
Updating: wellmanswellman thinks Carmela is preggers. Syosset_Guy thinks there is too much emphasis on whacking and that no way is Tony gonna get it. And chango and rob_said_that have a nifty discussion of Tony's homophobia (or lack thereof).
Remarks From The Fray II:
Carmela reacts so strongly to allegations of Billy Budd being gay, because she has already cast Furio into the role of the tragic sailor. Furio's mutinous thoughts correspond, albeit imperfectly, to the plot of Billy Budd. The film version she has seen does not provide the gay subtext of the novel, so Carmela has a version perfectly edited for her own casting agenda. One can imagine the Billy Budd Furio, standing proudly erect on a ship's prow, with his luxurious locks flowing in the sea breeze. Reminiscent of a Fabio romance novel, no?
Surprisingly, it is Tony who tries to mediate the gay Billy Budd controversy, and even begs pardon for his son's use of the term "fag." Although it is clear that this open mindedness has more to do with anxiety about Meadow's male roommate than with sensitivity.
Or does it? Tony appears ambivalent to gays, which might be surprising considering his generally provincial worldview. Yet his handling of Ralphie's decidedly queer sexuality suggests Tony takes a pragmatic, laissez-faire view of sexuality. He might not understand the vagaries of sex, but he does not necessary condemn that which he does not comprehend.
Is it a coincidence that the episode following Tony's rejection of therapy shows him more stable, connected and together than any in recent memory? He shows an uncharacteristic empathy for Carmela and Meadow, even analyzing their relationship and conflict in surprisingly astute terms. Throughout the episode, Tony gives us a glimpse of his potential: a strong yet sensitive father and an efficient and pragmatic Boss. Could this New Tony presage a death made more tragic by his newfound inner strength?
And, speaking of tragic death, what comedy that AJ's second assignment should be yet another "gay" text: Death in Venice. Perhaps Carmela has seen the film version of this novella as well. Like the protagonist in Death in Venice, Furio flees to Italy for renewal (although in his case, it's Naples, not Venice). Will Furio find a metaphoric sexual epidemic awaiting him there? The graffiti transformation of a Venetian gondola into a penis suggests that the Death in Venice motif has only just begun.
-- chango
(To reply, click here.)
I had the same reaction when A.J. started reading the Thomas Mann. What a riot.
I have to disagree, however, that Tony "tolerates" gays. I think he tolerates them the way he tolerates blacks: they're all right as long as they don't try to enter his life. Remember that Tony didn't kill Ralphie until, finally, he had satisfied himself that Ralphie was some sort of "pervert." The horse was a provocation, sure, but with the sexual curtain open Ralphie was weak, a liability. He even paid Janice for the information, which suggests that his interest was more than mere curiosity: it was business, plain and simple.
I also think that the "gay" probing at dinner was Tony's blundering way of establishing whether Meadow was in harm's way sexually by living in a mixed-sex roommate environment. He actually seemed annoyed that the roomate *wasn't* gay, as if he might have to step in and wrestle with that situation now too. A gay man would pose no threat to his daughter's -- what, virginity? Honor?
Underneath it all, Tony is extremely traditional and violently reactionary. Remember how he belt-whipped the councilman who was diddling one of his former girlfriends? That scene seemed gratuitous at the time, but now it may be essential to an understanding Tony's character.
-- rob_said_that
(To reply, click here.)
Notes From The Fray Editor:
Even before our psychologists checked in, the Fray was busy debating Furio's fate and Johnny Sack's motivations. (The Sack thread is excellent and begins here.) GMG, one of our Sopranos regulars, captures the pathos of Furio's decision to leave while zinya (once Carolyn) neatly describes Meadow's "family secret."
Remarks From The Fray:
It is somewhat sad what Furio is giving up for Carmela's safety. He knows he could never kill Tony, the chopper incident proved that. So he cannot have her, his uncle's advice is sound, and she must not be allowed to pursue him. The only way to prevent that is to retreat to Italy, where Carm would be relatively helpless.
In spite of the fact that Furio loves her. In spite of the fact that he is obviously disgusted with the drunken, gambling Tony for cheating on her. (Carmela as Madonna figure to Furio?) In spite of the fact that (glancing sidelong while they both urinate) Furio doesn't think much of Tony's manhood.
He cannot simply move to Mineola or Minneapolis; Carmela would pursue him, find some reason. Napoli is much safer. So for her, he gives up the U.S. (which he loves, did you see the way his eyes fixed on the displays of flags at roadside gas stations) for Naples, which is no longer a place he wants to be. He returns to the female boss, the hamburger wrappers at the Naples Cathedral--a place where he will be unhappy, so that Carmela may live.
-- GMG
(To reply, click here.)
Tony is clueless about Furio, just as AJ is, despite all his firsthand evidence. Only Meadow puts the pieces together and deduces what's up with her mom, and giving Meadow too a family secret to now have to 'manage'. (That scene on the stairs of Tony and Meadow felt very real psychologically--especially Meadow's tracking of multiple new pieces of information, especially in the eyes, of both.)
-- zinya
(To reply, click here.)
(12/2)
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Notes From The Fray Editor II:
Updating: wellmanswellman thinks Carmela is preggers. Syosset_Guy thinks there is too much emphasis on whacking and that no way is Tony gonna get it. And chango and rob_said_that have a nifty discussion of Tony's homophobia (or lack thereof).
Remarks From The Fray II:
Carmela reacts so strongly to allegations of Billy Budd being gay, because she has already cast Furio into the role of the tragic sailor. Furio's mutinous thoughts correspond, albeit imperfectly, to the plot of Billy Budd. The film version she has seen does not provide the gay subtext of the novel, so Carmela has a version perfectly edited for her own casting agenda. One can imagine the Billy Budd Furio, standing proudly erect on a ship's prow, with his luxurious locks flowing in the sea breeze. Reminiscent of a Fabio romance novel, no?
Surprisingly, it is Tony who tries to mediate the gay Billy Budd controversy, and even begs pardon for his son's use of the term "fag." Although it is clear that this open mindedness has more to do with anxiety about Meadow's male roommate than with sensitivity.
Or does it? Tony appears ambivalent to gays, which might be surprising considering his generally provincial worldview. Yet his handling of Ralphie's decidedly queer sexuality suggests Tony takes a pragmatic, laissez-faire view of sexuality. He might not understand the vagaries of sex, but he does not necessary condemn that which he does not comprehend.
Is it a coincidence that the episode following Tony's rejection of therapy shows him more stable, connected and together than any in recent memory? He shows an uncharacteristic empathy for Carmela and Meadow, even analyzing their relationship and conflict in surprisingly astute terms. Throughout the episode, Tony gives us a glimpse of his potential: a strong yet sensitive father and an efficient and pragmatic Boss. Could this New Tony presage a death made more tragic by his newfound inner strength?
And, speaking of tragic death, what comedy that AJ's second assignment should be yet another "gay" text: Death in Venice. Perhaps Carmela has seen the film version of this novella as well. Like the protagonist in Death in Venice, Furio flees to Italy for renewal (although in his case, it's Naples, not Venice). Will Furio find a metaphoric sexual epidemic awaiting him there? The graffiti transformation of a Venetian gondola into a penis suggests that the Death in Venice motif has only just begun.
-- chango
(To reply, click here.)
I had the same reaction when A.J. started reading the Thomas Mann. What a riot.
I have to disagree, however, that Tony "tolerates" gays. I think he tolerates them the way he tolerates blacks: they're all right as long as they don't try to enter his life. Remember that Tony didn't kill Ralphie until, finally, he had satisfied himself that Ralphie was some sort of "pervert." The horse was a provocation, sure, but with the sexual curtain open Ralphie was weak, a liability. He even paid Janice for the information, which suggests that his interest was more than mere curiosity: it was business, plain and simple.
I also think that the "gay" probing at dinner was Tony's blundering way of establishing whether Meadow was in harm's way sexually by living in a mixed-sex roommate environment. He actually seemed annoyed that the roomate *wasn't* gay, as if he might have to step in and wrestle with that situation now too. A gay man would pose no threat to his daughter's -- what, virginity? Honor?
Underneath it all, Tony is extremely traditional and violently reactionary. Remember how he belt-whipped the councilman who was diddling one of his former girlfriends? That scene seemed gratuitous at the time, but now it may be essential to an understanding Tony's character.
-- rob_said_that
(To reply, click here.)
Notes From The Fray Editor:
Even before our psychologists checked in, the Fray was busy debating Furio's fate and Johnny Sack's motivations. (The Sack thread is excellent and begins here.) GMG, one of our Sopranos regulars, captures the pathos of Furio's decision to leave while zinya (once Carolyn) neatly describes Meadow's "family secret."
Remarks From The Fray:
It is somewhat sad what Furio is giving up for Carmela's safety. He knows he could never kill Tony, the chopper incident proved that. So he cannot have her, his uncle's advice is sound, and she must not be allowed to pursue him. The only way to prevent that is to retreat to Italy, where Carm would be relatively helpless.
In spite of the fact that Furio loves her. In spite of the fact that he is obviously disgusted with the drunken, gambling Tony for cheating on her. (Carmela as Madonna figure to Furio?) In spite of the fact that (glancing sidelong while they both urinate) Furio doesn't think much of Tony's manhood.
He cannot simply move to Mineola or Minneapolis; Carmela would pursue him, find some reason. Napoli is much safer. So for her, he gives up the U.S. (which he loves, did you see the way his eyes fixed on the displays of flags at roadside gas stations) for Naples, which is no longer a place he wants to be. He returns to the female boss, the hamburger wrappers at the Naples Cathedral--a place where he will be unhappy, so that Carmela may live.
-- GMG
(To reply, click here.)
Tony is clueless about Furio, just as AJ is, despite all his firsthand evidence. Only Meadow puts the pieces together and deduces what's up with her mom, and giving Meadow too a family secret to now have to 'manage'. (That scene on the stairs of Tony and Meadow felt very real psychologically--especially Meadow's tracking of multiple new pieces of information, especially in the eyes, of both.)
-- zinya
(To reply, click here.)
(12/2)