The repository, like all sperm banks, imposed double anonymity for legitimate reasons. It hid the identity of the donor so that parents didn't make financial or emotional demands on him. Many donors don't want to know their sperm bank offspring, and the bank has an obligation to protect their privacy. And the bank kept the identity of parents secret to protect the family. A couple might want to pretend the social father was the biological father, and the bank had no business interfering with that.

Slate wanted to tell the story of the repository, but without violating the privacy of families and donors. So we made it an all-volunteer series: Because the sperm bank was so private, we only wrote about people who wanted to tell their stories. And Slate would not violate the confidentiality of donors who don't want to be found. There are repository donors I have talked to who don't want to hear from offspring, and Slate won't help the families that want to get in touch with them. We did not impose on Beth or Donor White. They came to us on their own. If Donor White didn't want to be found, he didn't have to contact us. Donor White made a decision that the happiness he could receive from getting to know Joy and Beth outweighed the risks of ending his anonymity.

Beth's family is slightly trickier. Beth decided on behalf of her daughter that they should know the donor. Beth is a mother and has the parent's right to make decisions for her child. But the case of Joy's social father is more complicated. He did not have a say about whether to contact Donor White. According to Beth, Joy's social father was surprised but "not angry," that Beth made contact with the donor. He told Beth, "I have always been her father and always will be. Make sure she knows that."

Donor White and Beth decided that knowing each other was more important than the repository's confidentiality rules, and accepted that their decision could create turmoil for Joy's social father. Slate decided that these were not its secrets to keep.