| Sell Churches to Child Welfare Agencies Since the church needs cash to pay for lawsuits and the public is demanding the involvement of civil authorities in abuse investigations, this solution neatly addresses both concerns. By having state child abuse investigators conveniently located in churches, it could save on bureaucratic red tape and reassure the public that there will be swift responses to the mounting tide of new allegations against Catholic clergy. As you know, however, inept child welfare agencies take years to work through their backlogs. This would spare suspended priests damaging footage of them being arrested and paraded in handcuffs in a “perp walk.”A Merger Right now, the Arthur Andersen accounting firm is scrambling to merge its crumbling worldwide empire with other accounting firms but having trouble finding takers. Don’t let that happen to the glorious Catholic Church by waiting too long to take needed action. Episcopalians, a dwindling upper-crust denomination that shares the church’s fondness for ritual, would surely welcome the infusion of members, energy, and assets a merger with Catholicism would bring. The merger in turn could preserve the jobs and reputations of priests, nuns, bishops, and cardinals while improving the access of lower-income Catholic immigrants to swank country clubs and the nation’s elite universities and professions.Or, a Name Change Sometimes, when a corporation’s name is so besmirched with scandal, it has no other choice but to change its name. ValuJet, for instance, | |
|