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Ad Report Card: Cottonelle's Bizarre End Run

By Rob WalkerPosted Monday, Jan. 28, 2002, at 3:06 PM ET

Sometimes a new product comes along that fulfills a particular need. Other times, the need must be invented. In the latter case, consumers will go along with it (Coca-Cola would be a powerful example of a product that no one needs but that many people buy anyway), or they won't. Keep this in mind as we consider one of the most startling new products in recent memory, Cottonelle Fresh Rollwipes, and a current ad trying to drum up a sense of need among potential consumers.

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The ad: A peppy but inoffensive guitar line thrums along as we see shots of people swimming. There's something odd: The camera keeps focusing on the swimmers' backsides. Here's a row of men's butts as they shoot out of the pool. Here's a woman's rump as she scissor-kicks and spins around underwater. The rear ends of a couple as they dance on the beach. A guy's ass as he jackhammers. Older peoples' posteriors as they hula-hoop by a pool. What's going on here? "To feel truly fresh where it really counts," a voice-over intercedes, "sometimes wetter is better." Excuse me?

At this point in the commercial, we're looking at the backsides of three women doing a flip in the water. Finally there's a product shot as the announcer says, "Introducing Cottonelle Fresh Rollwipes." Here the viewer experiences a certain sense of total disbelief, as the announcer continues, "Together with dry toilet paper, these new pre-moistened wipes on a roll leave you feeling cleaner and fresher." We are shown the special dispenser being placed in some Typical American Bathroom; it's a double-decker affair with a regular roll of toilet paper at the bottom and another compartment up top from which the "wipes" may be extracted. Rollwipes, then, are a new product to be used in concert with toilet paper.

As the ad shifts back to its colorful butt montage, a woman's voice comments, "Mmm, this is good." I'm not kidding! Then we see a black man working out or getting ready to jog or something (in the rain), as he rotates his hips and practically shoves his ass into the camera. There are more rump shots (woman in a skirt, wiggling as she rides on the back of a motorcycle, etc.), and finally we get one last look at yellow-shorts guy as he jogs away; or rather, we get one last look at his (presumably pristine) ass. "Cottonelle Fresh Rollwipes," the announcer concludes. "What it means to feel clean."

Feeling filthy? It's not the least bit unusual for an ad to try to make its viewers feel vaguely insecure—about their breath, their appearance, their popularity, whatever. But really. Are there no limits? Can't a line be drawn somewhere? Obviously not. Because here is an ad that, in effect, says to its viewers, to its potential customers, even: Hey America, you have a filthy ass! Now do something about it!! Has there ever been an ad campaign that started with a more insulting assumption about its targets?

And really, isn't this one problem that we, as a civilization, have conquered? Do you feel that the process of using toilet paper needs to augmented and enhanced by turning it into a two-part affair? Surely this must be the most embarrassing product of all time. It's way more embarrassing than, for instance, adult diapers—the need for those, after all, arises from conditions beyond one's control. What, apart from an almost psychotic strain of laziness, could excuse the bizarre lapse of hygiene Cottonelle is suggesting? Or is the point that a kind of nirvana of heretofore-unthinkable butt cleanliness lies over the horizon for buyers of Fresh Rollwipes? I don't know a thing about you, but one thing I'd like to think I can just assume is that you're not going through your day thinking, "You know, I'm just not sure whether I did an adequate job of cleaning myself up in the bathroom just now." And if you do go through your day thinking such things, and you're really excited about this product, please keep that to yourself.

I guess an ad can't be blamed for the insipidness of the product on offer, and it's hard to imagine what kind of commercial could have been made on behalf of the Rollwipes that wouldn't have been totally ridiculous. That said, this particular commercial seems willfully strange: It's more preposterous than most parody ads on Saturday Night Live. You have to wonder if it wasn't deliberate subversion on someone's part to make sure that this product is laughed out of existence immediately. Actually, you have to hope that's the case.

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Rob Walker writes the Ad Report Card for Slate.

COMMENTS

Notes From The Fray Editor:

The Fray team has a deep reluctance to look at posts on these matters. The fear is based on actual past articles that—well, let's just say, no Fray excerpts appeared. The posts below fell just on the right side of our line, and we did like Tom Scott's title: "tasteful commercial = oxymoron." Deej said "This stimulating article represents the essence of our culture: the insane need to improve everything", but in fact a lot of readers disagreed with Deej and Rob Walker and thought there was a need for the product. And that's as much detail as we're giving. We find that our remarks on a previous occasion (the genteelly named "Ass Backward" article on fiber and colons) are equally applicable here: there were "exactly the kind of jokes and remarks you would expect. While we like to encourage you to go to The Fray, some of the postings on this subject are not for the squeamish or faint of heart. But if it's your kind of thing, hey, you'll like it."

Reader Comments From The Fray:

The ad is gross, but the product is good. Why do people use wipes instead of TP to clean babies?--Because they work better and are more gentle. And when we had babies many of us discovered that wipes aren't just for babies. Moneybox must not have kids.

Hmmm..., billion$ spent on tp, billion$ spent on wipes, maybe there's some money to be made on an in-between product. Not so illogical.

And, btw, since when do we expect commercials to be tasteful? They could show poopy butts and it'd still be more tasteful than 70% of commercials.

Now the butter butler, there's a "need" I never would have thought I had.

--Tom Scott

(To find or answer this post, click here.)

It seems to me that the makers would be better off spending their money in ways other than television advertising. As long as the retailers put the product where it will be noticed when you are in the toilet paper aisle, it will sell. Creating a "need" for a clean butt is like trying to create a "need" for good eyesight from an eyeglasses maker. They don't need to tell us that we should be as clean as we can.

One caveat is that people with bidets will bother with moist wipes no more than people who get LASIK will buy glasses.

--Mfbenson

(To find or answer this post, click here.)

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