Shawn Kemp spends most of his waking hours in self-celebration. In 1994, while representing the United States in world-championship play, he embarrassed his nation by talking trash as the U.S. team destroyed hopelessly outmanned teams from dinky countries. Particularly memorable was his tendency to grab his crotch ceremoniously after making unopposed slam dunks. Kemp is known for missing team flights, showing up late for practice, and inspiring headlines such as "Kemp Denies Drinking Problem."

Gary Payton, according to many experts, is the league's most flagrant trash talker. (Others say Payton is nosed out for that title by Reggie Miller of the Indiana Pacers.) There are reports that Payton is reforming. I have yet to be convinced.