Nicholas Lemann and Judith Shulevitz

Dear Judith,

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As a friend of mine pointed out to me years ago, it's the first name, not the last name, that's the tip-off. For example, everybody named Jonathan is an M.O.T., no matter what their last name is. (Jonathan Bush, the president's uncle, is the exception that proves the rule.) You're not fooled by Andrea's Mitchell, are you? So, aren't all Judiths automatically suspect--if not ethnically, then at least of being prone to sever the heads of evil kings? And while we're on the subject: Sorry, I'm not buying that you're just as disgusted by sanctimoniously religious Jewish politicians. Good official position, though.

I'm guessing Bush passed on the tequila sabayon, given that, according to press reports, the White House kitchen isn't allowed to use wine at all, even though the alcohol boils off in the cooking. And, as your mother has recently pointed out to us, kosher bison is an attainable concept.

But on to weightier matters. The most depressing story in the New York Times today, I thought, was the one about the reopening of the Arizona "boot camp" for troubled teens where a 14-year-old boy died earlier this summer. The camp is run by a character named Colonel Charles F. Long II, who, as the Times' Michael Janofsky pointed out, never got anywhere near the rank of colonel in his actual military career. The kid who died "was forced to endure 111-degree temperatures for five hours," until some counselors took pity on him and took him to a motel and put him under a shower; but then the counselors, "at Mr. Long's direction, returned him to the camp because Mr. Long believed he was faking his condition." And then he died.

Not only is the camp now reopening--evidently parents are lining up to enroll their children! You have to wonder, first, how bad things must be in whatever neighborhood they live in, for Colonel Long's boot camp to look like an appealing alternative, and, second, why the state of Arizona doesn't feel the need to regulate such camps. Colonel Long does business, by the way, as America's Buffalo Soldiers Re-Enactors Association, thus cloaking his torture of kids in the mantle of black war heroes.

Finally, as our Breakfast Table heads off into the sunset and we await our Microsoft Corp. paychecks, I would like to shed a tear over the Bush administration's decision to stop pursuing the breakup of MSFT. Yes, Microsoft is an extremely impressive operation filled with capable people, but let's not let that obscure what seems to me to be the big, obvious point here. As a consumer, can you think of any realm except personal computer operating systems and applications software in which only one product is available to you? Imagine what the public reaction would be if, in a case where we've gotten used to having choice, suddenly there were no choice--if there were only one brand of automobile or television or laundry detergent or even PC hardware. It's an inherently, inarguably unhealthy situation, and that will become more obvious, I bet, when Gates and Ballmer are gone and Microsoft is run by lesser mortals. As a lonely user of non-Microsoft applications software, even though it runs poorly under Windows, I believe that we are already paying the price of monopoly. Because of the nearly nonexistent capital cost and the broad customer base, PC applications software should be an area where we would see the very best side of capitalism: a truly open contest whose net result is dazzling innovation and choice. Instead we've got one pretty good version of everything.

Maybe we should seize upon this particular public-policy moment and refuse to relinquish The Breakfast Table. I mean, we're not perfect, but we deliver a darn decent product. Aren't the American people better off knowing they have reliable us than running the risk of other BTers--some of whom, OK, might be better, but others of whom might be much, much worse--disastrously so? I say we barricade ourselves behind our BT and dare the Slate high command to try to roust us.

Love,
Nick

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