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Zoë Heller and James Wolcott

the breakfast table
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from: James Wolcott

More on Imus Kissers

Posted Wednesday, Aug. 8, 2001, at 5:35 PM ET

Dear Zoë ,

I think that buddying up to Imus makes Russert and the other policy wonkers feel as if they're not square or out of touch with their off-duty selves, despite having to wear ties and conduct themselves with a modicum of decorum in their official capacities as mouthpieces for corporate power and the conventional wisdom. Imus' approval confers a certain hip cachet, which they reward by treating him as some sort of irreverent bit of sagebrush. Thanks to Imus, Russert, and company, we're now subjected to the heart-on-the-sleeve, head-up-the-butt regular-guy commentary of Mike Barnicle, whose rehabilitation as a journalist they engineered.

I also think that one of the reasons these honchos mock-genuflect to Imus is because they genuinely fear being ripped by him on a regular basis. He's a very nasty feuder. I'm wondering: After Imus' sports guy called Venus Williams an animal, did Russert, Dan Rather, Jeff Greenfield, Brian Williams, Tom Brokaw, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Frank Rich, or Chris Matthews (all Imus regulars) inform him that they would no longer appear on the show until the situation was remedied?

Having just finished my book tour, I sympathize with your green-room horror stories, but I have to say my own TV appearances went fast and neat. I taped Charlie Rose yesterday, and I must say the snacks in the green room were excellent and I didn't mind waiting because the man interviewed ahead of me was a Nobel laureate in the field of the biological sources of memory. What I find hell to do are panel discussions. You sit at a long table behind plastic bottles of water and name tags as some unnamed force seems to take over to drain the discussion of any note of spontaneity or electricity. The last one I did--about The Sopranos (my first chance to chat with Camille Paglia)--started off well enough, then one of the panelists insisted on reading an academic paper in a droning voice and then the floor was opened to questions from various filibusterers. As you've probably noticed, no one in America asks succinct questions anymore. In fact, people don't ask questions at all. They get up, make rambling prologue until the moderator interrupts, then say, "But that's not my question. My question is ..." Minutes later, there's still no question mark in sight. And this panel was taped under hot, unforgiving lights by C-SPAN. Sweat drops merged with our tears of stifled frustration.

Did you do a lot of readings and signing for your novel? That's a whole new trip. I now vow to attend every friend's reading, now that I know how fraught with anxiety the experience is, like throwing a party and worrying no one will attend.

That shark story was amazing. It was one of the rare times I didn't find myself rooting for the animal in the exchange. Whenever someone gets mauled by a bear, I find myself saying, "Then stay of his way next time." Same thing with elephants.

--Jim

the breakfast table
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from: James Wolcott

More on Imus Kissers

Posted Wednesday, Aug. 8, 2001, at 5:35 PM ET
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Zoë Heller is a columnist for the London Daily Telegraph and author of the novel Everything You Know. James Wolcott is a contributing editor to Vanity Fair and author of the novel The Catsitters.
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