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Zoë Heller and James Wolcott

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from: Zoë Heller

Liberace-Fests, Suge Knight, and Bush's Permanent State of Vacation

Posted Wednesday, Aug. 8, 2001, at 12:58 PM ET

I hate to admit it, James, but I saw that Liberace segment, too. (Ought we to be getting out more, do you think?) I didn't stay with it for long, though--the gloating Liberace imitator (who could actually do a very nice sideline in Wayne Newton imitations if the Liberace gig ever palls) creeped me out too much. It's pretty hard to outdo the spookiness of the original, but somehow that guy managed. As for old Larry, you're quite right--he makes Jiminy Glick, the Martin Short caricature of fatuous celebrity interviewers, quite superfluous. To paraphrase Sam Johnson, it's impossible to parody unresisting imbecility. One of the many solecisms in this summer's America's Sweethearts, the movie that purported to depict modern Hollywood mores, was Larry King's cameo in which he played himself, driving a movie star to tearfulness by asking her tough questions about her career. In real life, as we know, King would not know a tough question if it smacked him on the top of his gargoylelike head. Actually, I did see him a while back asking the radio host, Imus, if it was true that he used to use the word "nigger" a lot when he worked at a Washington radio station. "Yeah, probably," Imus said with manly insouciance. "I was drinking a lot at the time." King clutched the vast, shiny dome of his forehead in amazement at Imus' candour. "I love you I-Man," he said, with a little crack in his voice.

While Larry was holding his Liberace-fest last night, Geraldo was interviewing the owner of Death Row Records, Suge Knight, who's just out from prison. Suge wants America to know that rumors of his murderousness are greatly exaggerated and that he is, in fact, "a child of God." Ooh, what a relief. Geraldo's efforts during this segment, to look as if he was being a serious journalist while at the same time persuading Suge that he was down with him, were a joy to behold, "Uh-huh, so you didn't dangle Vanilla Ice over a balcony and threaten to kill him unless he gave your associate a share of his royalties? Oh, OK. Well, we've cleared that up. Let's move on. ..."

On Bush: He is, as you point out, a horrid, spoiled little boy and a pretty disastrous president. But I have to say, I am enjoying his brazen displays of sloth. There's something irresistibly funny about his endless holidays and snoozes and tootling around in the gym--and it's only made funnier by his handlers' attempts to cast the hooky-playing as crucial periods of reflection or whatever. Bush's lack of appetite for his job may, in fact, be the one way he manages to endear himself to the international community. The Europeans, in particular, tend to be horrified by the work ethic of the American professional class. Bush may have reneged on Kyoto, but at least this is a guy who understands the importance of a siesta.

Zoë

the breakfast table
entries
12345678910111213141516171819
from: Zoë Heller

Liberace-Fests, Suge Knight, and Bush's Permanent State of Vacation

Posted Wednesday, Aug. 8, 2001, at 12:58 PM ET
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Zoë Heller is a columnist for the London Daily Telegraph and author of the novel Everything You Know. James Wolcott is a contributing editor to Vanity Fair and author of the novel The Catsitters.
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