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Zoë Heller and James Wolcott

the breakfast table
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from: James Wolcott

Condit and O.J.: Soul Brothers?

Posted Tuesday, Aug. 7, 2001, at 12:08 PM ET

Dear Zoë,

Last night the Larry King show rounded up the usual coyotes to bay at Gary Condit. A guest host was pinch-hitting for Larry, who's off on vacation and will return to the set tonight. (I picture him reclining on a beach chair at some tropical retreat, contemplating a mauve sunset and trying to remember his current wife's name.) What had the panel standing on their hind legs was a rally being held for Condit in his district, which was shown live in an insert frame. The rally itself packed all the excitement of a tire sale--Condit's supporters half-heartedly waving placards like movie extras not quite in the mood--but you would have thought it was Hitler night at the local beer hall from the way the pundits were fuming about the event's tasteless affrontery, political miscalculation, and sheer gall. They treated it as a slap in the face of justice and decency, a grotesque gaffe, yet I notice in today's papers there's barely a word about the paltry gathering. News editors recognized it as a non-event. There was a revealing shift in the rhetoric of Larry King's fun club, however. Before, the blond avengers were comparing Condit to Clinton. Now, they're comparing him to O.J. Simpson. Never mind that Condit hasn't been legally charged with any crime, or that we don't even have a dead body: The implication is that he, like O.J., has gotten away with murder. They're soul brothers.

Last night William Bennett, a gaseous balloon of a man who sighs deeply before some of his answers (as if being the nation's scold isn't a role he wanted, but has nobly accepted as his duty), docked on Chris Matthews' show to discuss the war on drugs. If I understand Bennett, he wants to start testing Americans' urine for traces of substance abuse as soon as toddlers are able to pee, stopping just short of testing our pets. He shook with rueful frustration at the very notion that drugs should be legalized (see this week's Economist), as if it were just another example of foolish utopianism left over from the '60s. I think the whole drug-testing craze is another example of punitive control. Students with a drug record can now be denied financial assistance for college, yet no one has advocated a similar cut-off for alcohol busts. Which brings me to the bubbly Bush daughters. I'm still trying to fathom how, given their recent escapades, Jenna and Barbara have been allowed to spend the summer in Hollywood, where Jenna is working as an intern at Brillstein-Grey. It's not the sort of camp where you go to keep a low profile and stay out of trouble. It seems a setting guaranteed for spotlight attention, party-hearty temptation, and lurid opportunities to be brainwashed into the liberal cause by Rob Reiner and Tim Robbins. And, according to "Page Six" of today's New York Post, the Bush girls have been neglecting their Bible studies, Jenna relaxing after a long day of interning at a "pot-clouded [birthday] party." Can you imagine the howls that would have gone up had Bill and Hillary let Chelsea romp like this? William Bennett would have shaken his head and chalked this up as another sad case of liberal permissiveness. And what does it say about the Bush daughters' relationship to their parents that they seem to go out of their way to embarrass the president and the first lady? Though I think the Talk spread of the Bush daughters as jailbirds may be a bit much.

So I have to ask the question everyone's been asking me: Have you read the Tina and Harry book? (Which I thought should have been titled Tina and Harry Do America.) I was interviewed for it but can't quite bring myself to read it yet. I'm much more interested in Toby Young's forthcoming memoir, where Tina and Harry are part of the comedy cast.

Jim

the breakfast table
entries
12345678910111213141516171819
from: James Wolcott

Condit and O.J.: Soul Brothers?

Posted Tuesday, Aug. 7, 2001, at 12:08 PM ET
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Zoë Heller is a columnist for the London Daily Telegraph and author of the novel Everything You Know. James Wolcott is a contributing editor to Vanity Fair and author of the novel The Catsitters.
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