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Trek, Schmek--Be Marlene Dietrich!

By Daniel Mendelsohn
Posted Thursday, June 21, 2001, at 12:44 PM ET

Dear Jen and Eric,

A glum day. It's overcast here in New York (...!), to which I had to return earlier than I'd hoped from New Jersey, which bums me out since I was having a very pleasant time hanging with Rose and the boys and gardening. However, the good news today seems to be that President Bushleague's popularity is on the wane; people seem to feel that although during the campaign he seemed so "nice" and willing to give big hugs to the victims of natural disasters and had so many other important statesmanlike skills, he's not terribly competent. So we may conclude that $600 isn't enough to buy people's good opinion, although one must add that it was enough to buy their votes. Maybe he ought to offer coupons next time.

Nope, I have no idea who Carson Daly and Tara Reid are, sorry!! Are they related to Darva Conger? But I do suspect you're spending too much time reading all that media-news stuff; doesn't it just become a sort of weird hall-of-mirrors thing after a while, reading the commentary about the commentary about the commentary on the actual events one is presumably interested in? Very PoMo. I actually don't surf around a lot--as you know, I've been AOL clean and sober for years now--since I spend far too much time on this laptop to begin with (see previously under sitting-in-his-fruit-of-the-looms-writing), except when I need to do my online banking (http://www.chase.com), which I was suspicious of at first but which I'm now addicted to, I try to avoid the whole www thing. Which is not to say that there aren't sites I enjoy, for e.g., www.ellisislandrecords.org (when it actually works) and other genealogy-related stuff that, as you know, I like. And of course there's www.findagrave.com, which I told you about the other day. Do you know that Marlene Dietrich's tombstone just says "Marlene"? Brilliant. I'm thinking of having mine just say "Provincial." Everyone will know who it is.

That reminds me: Did you know that Rose and I won two free cemetery plots in New Jersey? Apparently there was a promotion to kick off (as it were) a new cemetery near us, and they picked Rose's name out of the phone book. Since, as you know, mom has bought plots for us on Lawn Guyland, this now means that I have achieved in death what eluded me so frustratingly in life: property in two states. Perhaps I'll make the New Jersey one my "summer" grave?

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I missed The Celluloid Closet, which (like Seinfeld, I ought to point out) I have never seen even once, because I was blissfully watching the first Star Trek movie, which was on our local central New Jersey station last night, and which I just love. I recall that when I was an undergrad at UVA, the movie was about to come out and the cast were going round to all these college campuses trying to rouse some interest, and we got Scotty, and me and Flip and Skip all trudged over to some auditorium in order to hear what he had to say about the forthcoming movie, and we were all pretty delirious. Anyway, the first one remains my favorite, despite the fact that I've never been able to understand how the machine "Vger," which was presumably intelligent and powerful enough to amass all the information in the entire universe, couldn't figure out that it was mispronouncing its own name, "Voyager." One imagines that that would have saved a great deal of worry and fuss on everyone's part--but then, if it had realized it was plain ol' "Voyager 6," there wouldn't have been any movie, I guess.

If they're playing Celluloid Closet, then Gay Pride Day can't be far behind. I used to go when I first came to (...!) New York City, but since my life seems to consist more and more of choosing kindergartens and taking Nicholas to Little League games (last night was the last one of the season, and he only hit one run, so I beat the shit out of him afterwards) and making sure little Oleg (NOT his real name) doesn't drink Miracle-Gro or kill the nanny, or whatever, the spectacle of 125,000 shirtless men flaunting their altoids seems somehow ... irrelevant. (Alas!) I think I am getting middle-aged.

Pseudo-intellectually yours,
Daniel

the breakfast table:
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Trek, Schmek--Be Marlene Dietrich!

By Daniel Mendelsohn
Posted Thursday, June 21, 2001, at 12:44 PM ET
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Daniel Mendelsohn, book critic for New York magazine, is the author of The Elusive Embrace. Eric Mendelsohn is the writer/director of the film Judy Berlin. Jennifer Mendelsohn is the author of Slate's "Keeping Tabs" column. To read their previous "Breakfast Table," click here.
COMMENTS

Reader Comments From The Fray:

[Thursday notes from the Fray Editor: A true "Breakfast Table" thread got going here: starting with made-up words, moving on to dead languages, salaries, and cheerful insults, plus a chance to find out which BT regular is a public defender, and what he likes about the the job (the pens are nice, and he doesn't meant penitentiaries). Another cross thread started here (OK, Amber, you are a high-maintenance troublemaker too. It was nothing personal, but you don't confine yourself to the "Breakfast Table". ) Good discussion on death penalty starts with new star Ender here. In fact, there are good threads everywhere this week, none of them staying on topic for long, and all of them involving being rude to other posters: "the only reason you are elevated [to gold stars] is so the rest of us know who to make Ad hominem attacks against."]


Daniel,

Please restrain yourself. According to my calculations, at this rate you will have used up the world's supply of parentheses (left and right) by 2:21PM on Thursday

--Keith M. Ellis


(To reply, click here.)


[Tuesday notes from the Fray Editor: By sheer chance, the Fray index at one point reads:

The Mendelsohns are back!
Appropriate Police Action

We would like to stress that the second post was on a completely different subject: we don't want the Mendelsohns getting cross with us. And we're not going near the whole 'provincial hicks' area.

One highlight of the Mendelsohn's previous "Breakfast Table" was the occasional appearance of the Missing Mendelsohn Brothers, and we have an early sighting of one here. He was replying to Arthur Stock's evocatively named "Vote for your favorite Mendelsohn here" post. Neill Hamilton is the official troublemaker to the Breakfast Table Fray, and outdid himself, below.]


It's starting well: someone has called Texas elected officials retarded. Next, as a parent of teenagers I think that sibling arguments can be awful heated. I am open to suggestions as how to provoke one among the three siblings talking this week. Perhaps one of the topics they could address is which one of them was treated best by their parents. Or perhaps they could rehash embarrassing moments that one other sibling caused. Whatever, there is lots of potential here.

--Neill Hamilton

(To reply, click here.)

[Now read how Neill Hamilton, with the grumpiness we love him for, changed his mind...]


We [Joseph Britt, Arthur Stock and Will V] shamelessly shilled for the Mendelsohns when we occupied the [Fray posters'] Breakfast Table. It didn't take long for Slate to invite them back.

Wonder if they'll return the favor...

--WillV

(To reply, click here.)


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