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the breakfast table: An e-mail conversation about the news of the day.

Daniel, Eric, and Jennifer Mendelsohn

the breakfast table
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from: Daniel Mendelsohn

Earthlink, Schmearthlink--Walk a Chilean Boy!

Posted Wednesday, June 20, 2001, at 6:07 PM ET

Dear Jen and Er,

I have just returned from walking my 10-year-old Chilean boy and can now focus exclusively on this afternoon's e-mailing. Before I begin, however, I ought to say that I was so moved by Eric's last note, although to be ruthlessly honest I'm not sure how to handle his newfound "serious" mode; God knows what the Frayers will make of it. Hands-on vagina openings, indeed ... anywho, I'm settled in now, although mildly perturbed to note that the lhasa apso I'd had for--hmm, let me think, it must be nearly six years now--has gone missing. Thank God I still have little Francisquito.

Anyway. I am now blissfully in my Miller Lite™, gardening, friendly-with-the-neighborhood-Republicans, post-New Jersey Transit mode, sitting here in my third-floor bed/study in Trenton, which as you may know has no air conditioning, with the result that I am writing this in a pool of salt water, very Herman Melville I suppose but a trifle terrifying as I do believe I'm in danger of imminent electrocution. Then again, I have always kind of loathed air conditioning being the hardy, butch, manly-man, Paul Bunyon-esque, salt-of-the-earth character that I am. This is at least partly due to the fact that I have never fully understood how to operate my air conditioner in NYC, which is huge and intimidating and sounds rather like a cross between a lawnmower and a 747-300. The seats, however, are comfortable, so I suppose I shouldn't complain.

Jennifer, I want to thank you for pointing out that I have previously made jokes about a) bichon frisés (bichons frisés?), which I take it is French for "curly bitch," and b) New Jersey Transit. Thank you, thank you. Really--THANK YOU!!! Sometimes I am in danger of forgetting that it's not enough that I go out every day to put bread on the table for all of us and of course I am DEEPLY grateful to you for pointing out every tiny flaw and memory lapse. You bichon.

As you pointed out, Jen my darling girl, I have indeed entered "The Fray," and what great fun it is! Next time, I am hoping that the Slate folks will let us skip the actual e-mails and just go directly into The Fray, which at least has the advantage that one doesn't have to deal exclusively with you two. As you know, I lead a very solitary life and spend most of my time typing book reviews and other things whilst sitting in bed clad only in my underwear (Will Allen: KEEP CALM!) with only my trusty G-3 laptop for company, and I must say that the companionship and feedback provided by The Fray has opened a whole new world of socializing to me. For the first time since I broke up with Padraig (NOT his real name, but close enough in spirit), I feel whole again.

Jen, I loved your www.earthlink.net story--isn't customer service brilliant? I take my revenge on those poor people who call you at 7 pm to sell you credit card insurance. "I'm sorry," I say to them, "but I really can't talk right now. Can I have your home telephone number so I can call you during dinner time?" "Uh ... call me at home during dinner time?" the customer service person will say, tremulously. "But, uh ... well, uh, you really can't call me at home during dinner time." "Well," I reply sweetly, "YOU'RE DOING IT TO ME, YOU ZHLUB!!!!" And then I hang up--sweetly.

The sun setteth, which is, as always, a reminder that man, who is born of woman, hath but a short time to live, blah blah blah. For that very reason, I shall sign off now. I love you both very, very much; do you spell your last name with an "h"?

Yours sincerely,
Daniel

the breakfast table
entries
123456789101112131415161718192021222324
from: Daniel Mendelsohn

Earthlink, Schmearthlink--Walk a Chilean Boy!

Posted Wednesday, June 20, 2001, at 6:07 PM ET
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Daniel Mendelsohn, book critic for New York magazine, is the author of The Elusive Embrace. Eric Mendelsohn is the writer/director of the film Judy Berlin. Jennifer Mendelsohn is the author of Slate's "Keeping Tabs" column. To read their previous "Breakfast Table," click here.
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Reader Comments From The Fray:

[Thursday notes from the Fray Editor: A true "Breakfast Table" thread got going here: starting with made-up words, moving on to dead languages, salaries, and cheerful insults, plus a chance to find out which BT regular is a public defender, and what he likes about the the job (the pens are nice, and he doesn't meant penitentiaries). Another cross thread started here (OK, Amber, you are a high-maintenance troublemaker too. It was nothing personal, but you don't confine yourself to the "Breakfast Table". ) Good discussion on death penalty starts with new star Ender here. In fact, there are good threads everywhere this week, none of them staying on topic for long, and all of them involving being rude to other posters: "the only reason you are elevated [to gold stars] is so the rest of us know who to make Ad hominem attacks against."]


Daniel,

Please restrain yourself. According to my calculations, at this rate you will have used up the world's supply of parentheses (left and right) by 2:21PM on Thursday

--Keith M. Ellis


(To reply, click here.)


[Tuesday notes from the Fray Editor: By sheer chance, the Fray index at one point reads:

The Mendelsohns are back!
Appropriate Police Action

We would like to stress that the second post was on a completely different subject: we don't want the Mendelsohns getting cross with us. And we're not going near the whole 'provincial hicks' area.

One highlight of the Mendelsohn's previous "Breakfast Table" was the occasional appearance of the Missing Mendelsohn Brothers, and we have an early sighting of one here. He was replying to Arthur Stock's evocatively named "Vote for your favorite Mendelsohn here" post. Neill Hamilton is the official troublemaker to the Breakfast Table Fray, and outdid himself, below.]


It's starting well: someone has called Texas elected officials retarded. Next, as a parent of teenagers I think that sibling arguments can be awful heated. I am open to suggestions as how to provoke one among the three siblings talking this week. Perhaps one of the topics they could address is which one of them was treated best by their parents. Or perhaps they could rehash embarrassing moments that one other sibling caused. Whatever, there is lots of potential here.

--Neill Hamilton

(To reply, click here.)

[Now read how Neill Hamilton, with the grumpiness we love him for, changed his mind...]


We [Joseph Britt, Arthur Stock and Will V] shamelessly shilled for the Mendelsohns when we occupied the [Fray posters'] Breakfast Table. It didn't take long for Slate to invite them back.

Wonder if they'll return the favor...

--WillV

(To reply, click here.)


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