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Daniel, Eric, and Jennifer Mendelsohn

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from: Daniel Mendelsohn

IKEA, SCHMIKEA--Get Perpetual Care!

Posted Tuesday, June 19, 2001, at 6:13 PM ET

Dear Jen and Ha-Ha-Oh-Isn't-He-the-Funny-One,

Freshly arrived here on 71st Street (provincial!) from the cemetery (rural!), which was, as much as a trip to the cemetery can be, a triumph!! Not only did we find the people we were looking for, but a whole slew of other relatives, too. And our newly found long-lost cousins (well, Dad's second cousin) whom I went with couldn't have been nicer; we all had lunch afterwards. We laughed, we cried, we thought it was one of the year's 10 best. ...

On the subject of graves: I must say that seeing the condition of some of these graves has convinced me that "Perpetual Care" is a great investment, although it may seem a tad much at the time of one's (or should I say "ones"?) bereavement when all you can think of is not how much to spend on having the Dear Departed's ("Departeds"?) grave remain splendid in perpetuity but, rather, how much babka to make for the shiva guests ... anyway, some of the stones were so overgrown with honeysuckle and poison ivy that you couldn't even tell that there were stones underneath, let alone read them. In one case (I won't use names, but I will say that I'm glad my name isn't METZNER!!!), there was a husband and wife, side by side with identical monuments; the wife's was lovely and well-tended, but the husband's was like a Brazilian rain forest--the only thing missing were poisonous snakes and friendly natives. Clearly, someone had a problem with Daddy. (The theme of my mails today, evidemment.) I do think we can use this as leverage against Mom and Dad, don't you...

OK, I'll stop now. I know the aroma of taphophilia is getting oppressive, and it's--"its"???--not everyone's bag. (Oh, that reminds me: Go to www.findagrave.com--it shows you pictures of famous dead people's grave sites!!)

Having spent all of my political bile this morning in my incisive Freudian analysis of Our Fearless Leader, I won't offer any thoughts on the second federal execution in one week!!! except of course to say that I hope he opts for Perpetual Care because believe me, there's no fate worse than being covered in poison ivy for eternity. Whatever "Dawn" and her Biblical Hopes for the Future may say.

In closing, I will merely express deep envy at Jen's trip to IKEA. I still remember the first time I went there after they'd opened a store across from the Newark Airport--this was when I was in grad school in New Jersey--and thrilling to those brilliant names they give to everything. The Smork Desk or the Blug Stool, or whatever. Not all of them were charming: Apparently no one told the Swedes that Americans were unlikely to want a lamp called "Snot."

I'm going to get this in so Eric can have something to be funny about, GOD FORBID he should pick up a paper, even fully dressed.

Taphically (but never Biblically) yours,
Daniel Adam

the breakfast table
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from: Daniel Mendelsohn

IKEA, SCHMIKEA--Get Perpetual Care!

Posted Tuesday, June 19, 2001, at 6:13 PM ET
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Daniel Mendelsohn, book critic for New York magazine, is the author of The Elusive Embrace. Eric Mendelsohn is the writer/director of the film Judy Berlin. Jennifer Mendelsohn is the author of Slate's "Keeping Tabs" column. To read their previous "Breakfast Table," click here.
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Reader Comments From The Fray:

[Thursday notes from the Fray Editor: A true "Breakfast Table" thread got going here: starting with made-up words, moving on to dead languages, salaries, and cheerful insults, plus a chance to find out which BT regular is a public defender, and what he likes about the the job (the pens are nice, and he doesn't meant penitentiaries). Another cross thread started here (OK, Amber, you are a high-maintenance troublemaker too. It was nothing personal, but you don't confine yourself to the "Breakfast Table". ) Good discussion on death penalty starts with new star Ender here. In fact, there are good threads everywhere this week, none of them staying on topic for long, and all of them involving being rude to other posters: "the only reason you are elevated [to gold stars] is so the rest of us know who to make Ad hominem attacks against."]


Daniel,

Please restrain yourself. According to my calculations, at this rate you will have used up the world's supply of parentheses (left and right) by 2:21PM on Thursday

--Keith M. Ellis


(To reply, click here.)


[Tuesday notes from the Fray Editor: By sheer chance, the Fray index at one point reads:

The Mendelsohns are back!
Appropriate Police Action

We would like to stress that the second post was on a completely different subject: we don't want the Mendelsohns getting cross with us. And we're not going near the whole 'provincial hicks' area.

One highlight of the Mendelsohn's previous "Breakfast Table" was the occasional appearance of the Missing Mendelsohn Brothers, and we have an early sighting of one here. He was replying to Arthur Stock's evocatively named "Vote for your favorite Mendelsohn here" post. Neill Hamilton is the official troublemaker to the Breakfast Table Fray, and outdid himself, below.]


It's starting well: someone has called Texas elected officials retarded. Next, as a parent of teenagers I think that sibling arguments can be awful heated. I am open to suggestions as how to provoke one among the three siblings talking this week. Perhaps one of the topics they could address is which one of them was treated best by their parents. Or perhaps they could rehash embarrassing moments that one other sibling caused. Whatever, there is lots of potential here.

--Neill Hamilton

(To reply, click here.)

[Now read how Neill Hamilton, with the grumpiness we love him for, changed his mind...]


We [Joseph Britt, Arthur Stock and Will V] shamelessly shilled for the Mendelsohns when we occupied the [Fray posters'] Breakfast Table. It didn't take long for Slate to invite them back.

Wonder if they'll return the favor...

--WillV

(To reply, click here.)


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