Four shrinks on the season finale of The Sopranos.

Dear Glen, Joel, and Phil,

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The episode masterfully rounds out this season's series in its focus on the generations and their relationships with one another, and in its exploration of key existential questions: What is the meaning and purpose of intergenerational love? What is the meaning of life, of aging, and of death? I agree with Glen that, finally, the therapy has come into its own. This is crystallized in the moment when Tony becomes teary; says, "You don't understand" (so often his plaint in sessions past); and then receives (and this time, believes) the affirmation from Jennifer that he can (and she wants him to) "make" her understand. He then admits that he wants a different life for his children, Meadow and A.J. In so doing, Tony is indicting himself; he is owning up to the evil inherent in the life he is leading. He is also acknowledging that, evil or not, it's a lousy way to make a living (a more pragmatic admission that in some way undercuts the deeper confrontation with his own evil). He wants to save A.J. from a life of secrecy, loss, and enormous responsibility; and realizing it's "against A.J.'s nature," he knows that it would certainly spell A.J.'s death.

Let me come back to the idea of "you don't understand." What I find to be a particularly tragic "tragic flaw" in the Sopranos life and worldview is that feelings, attitudes, and self-images cannot be fully articulated or shared from one person to the next. Their lives of amorality have badly affected each person's capacity for intimate knowledge of him- or herself and destroyed the possibility of interpersonal intimacy that could have been an avenue for some kind of psychic growth. Tony and Carmela can't talk openly or intimately--truth comes out only when they fight. Tony can't enlist Carmela's help with his sexual compulsions because he would then "look weak" in her eyes; he can't tell A.J. the real reason he wants him to enter the military for the same reason. Ditto Tony's inability to tell Meadow why he was giving her a hard time about Jackie. The need to erect and sustain the façade of infallible narcissistic power is the downfall of Tony's deep desire to be lovingly related to and accepted by others. This is a tragedy indeed, as exemplified by Tony's tear and by his inability to accept a tissue from Jennifer as comfort. Yet, it is a hopeful sign that he can go on to tell her what is gnawing at him--his realization that his own life is bankrupt and no kind of legacy for his children. To carry my argument one step further, I would say that Tony's telltale tear relates to the lyrical allusion to "an ungrateful heart." Tony's "heart" cannot be grateful because he has had to ignore it in the process of playing out his unfortunate destiny.

Peggy

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