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The First Five Weeks of Season 3 of The Sopranos

Crying Out for Mommy

Posted Tuesday, March 27, 2001, at 11:39 AM ET

Who are these people?

Dear Joel,

I found fascinating the parallel you drew between themes of the "dead mother" and the "dead father" as stylistic extravagances both framing and developing the point about the reasons for men's preoccupation with power. Still, I also felt that there is a missing link in your formulation. I wonder if violence of men toward women over their own helplessness stems from dear old Mom inevitably failing our infantile wish to be spared "nature's indifference and cruelty." After the womb, all bets are off. However irrational and totally inappropriate the accusation may be, is there not the potential for some element of hatred and rage toward Mom stemming from being cast out into an uncertain world, often cruel, and ultimately mortal?

I suppose there's no way for me to talk about this without the risk of sounding mom-bashing (which is 180 degrees out of phase with my desire), but I do believe that in certain, very mentally primitive ways (developmentally early mental constructs), our expectations of mothers are pretty phenomenal, not the least of which is because mothers are in fact pretty phenomenal. We certainly tend to see them as phenomenally good or phenomenally bad. Note that they don't get such a great rap in The Sopranos. Their portrayal is ambivalent at the very least and downright menacing in the case of Tony's deceased mother, Livia. I think the writers are brilliantly tapping into the dark side of our view of motherhood, the burnt crust of our apple pie, if you'll forgive the pun. It may be hard for readers to embrace any of this, making our discussion an easy target for accusations of psycho(analytic)babble. But I think that we can find elements of the primitive longings for the protection and comfort of Mom in a myriad of extreme moments, ones beyond the range of our normal smug defensiveness. The battlefield scenes of dying soldiers crying out for their mommies (Saving Private Ryan, and documented by Steven Ambrose) or flight-recorder tapes of planes going down in which the last words of pilots are to their mommies are just tiny examples of the fact that when we are reduced to our smallest position of helplessness, it is most often to Mommy to whom we cry out, and her absence is never suffered lightly.

If this is where you were venturing, then your comment about the excitement and mania of the death defiance so often featured in male power (think of thrill-seeking behavior, extreme sports, etc., now also found intriguing to many women) seems on point to me. It seems underscored in Jennifer's venom-spewing comment to her shrink regarding her potential power over her rapist, "I could have that asshole squashed like a bug if I wanted!" As you say, there is something appealing about the violence in the show to which women can link themselves as readily as men--especially when hungering for a sense of safety over potential assaults from certain primitive, often anonymously, perpetrated hatreds that arise beyond all apprehension or reason. The fact that female viewership is as strong as if not stronger than that of males says that other women besides Jennifer are attracted to Tony the Rottweiler.

Crying Out for Mommy

Posted Tuesday, March 27, 2001, at 11:39 AM ET
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This spring, Slate will ask Dr. Melfi's real-life counterparts to examine developments on The Sopranos. Glen O. Gabbard, M.D., is a professor of psychoanalysis at the Menninger Clinic and co-author of Psychiatry and the Cinema. Philip A. Ringstrom, Ph.D., Psy.D., is an analyst at the Institute of Contemporary Psychoanalysis in Los Angeles and a full-time practitioner. Joel Whitebook, a practicing analyst in New York, is on the faculty of the Columbia Center for Psychoanalytic Training and Research. Margaret Crastnopol, Ph.D., is on the faculty of the Northwest Center for Psychoanalysis and a practicing psychologist/psychoanalyst in Seattle. Click here to comment on Sunday night's episode.
COMMENTS

Reader Comments From The Fray:



Margaret Crastnopol hit it right on the head: we are being too easy on Melfi (or at least the portrayal of Melfi). Fact is, Tony Soprano is an idiot and she's physically intimidated by him. She's also turned on by him--which is a revolting possibility. Thing is, thousands of women are, in fact, turned on by Tony and his merry band of thugs. Crastnopol's suggestion that the doctor-patient and doctor-doctor power positioning does little to counter stereotypes of weak women being pushed around by angry, stupid men--this is all correct, too. Actually, the whole program is misogynistic and ought not be watched by anyone....yet, I'm strangely attracted to it, bad writing/acting and all. Is it that I'm that desperate for entertainment or is this representative of some deep misogyny within? Doctors, tell me: what drives us (me) to watch this thing, even when I know it's negative TV? There are too many men and women out there watching this and thinking that this is an acceptable way of life. What's wrong with us? A diagnosis, please.

--Phil H.

(To reply, click here.)


To Phil H:

There is nothing wrong with "us." But there is a problem with your formulation of the problem. To enjoy this well-written and well-acted drama, we are not obligated to find that the fictional characters pursue "an acceptable way of life." On the contrary, I would guess that 99.9% of viewers strenuously object to the way Tony puts bread on the Sopranos' table.

We enjoy the bravura plot twists, the odd contrasts, the marvelous characterizations, and the Machiavellian tactics--and the occasionally absurd results of the characters' efforts. The monstrous is combined with the mundane in a striking and amusing way. Consider Tony strangling a mafia traitor as his beloved daughter is interviewed for admission to a genteel New England college.

Millions of people have read and admired Crime and Punishment. Do you suppose they accepted the grotesque reasoning that drove Dostoyevsky's main character? Must we approve of step-patricide to enjoy Hamlet?

Relax and enjoy the series. If you feel the urge to emulate the main characters, call your therapist (or your local sheriff).

--Gary

(To reply, click here.)


On the question of the Mafia don who approved of Tony's therapy: Remember that this was a leader of the Manhattan mob. Probably they are a little more sophisticated than the Jersey crowd. Remember, it was only Junior and Tony's assumption that seeing a shrink was taboo. The New York family was probably way ahead of them.

--Aurora Duane

(To reply, click here.)

(3/15)

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