Good morning, Arthur and Joe,
Let me start this noble Slate experiment with populism by invoking the most successful strategy going these days: low expectations. Both of you have earned the highly coveted “star poster” designation in “The Fray,” and deservedly so. I have merely fulminated in splendid obscurity. I’m lucky just to be on the same page as you guys. Take it easy on me, and, please, no sighing.
Arthur, you’ve described this opportunity as a “fantasy camp for policy wonks.” I hope this isn’t going to be a wonkfest, but I like the idea of a fantasy camp. Why should aging jock worshippers have all the fun? At our fantasy camp, Jack Germond would be my counselor. We’d be sitting in on David Broder’slecture, something about the platform of the Minnesota Farm Labor Party, and Jack would nudge me. We’d slip out to a colorful watering hole for a couple of cold ones but get back in time for evening activities. The Capital Gang would start a food fight in the cafeteria. Jacob Weisberg would show a pirated video of the latest Media Conspiracymeeting–the one where they got bored with the Bush honeymoon and ended it. The evening would end on a high note, with Nat Hentoff riffing on the First Amendment while playing some great jazz CDs.
I’m trying to imagine whom you two would want for your fantasy camp counselors. Joe, you’d probably be in Paul Krugman’s cabin, but a crazed bunch of supply-siders sent by Walter Williams would try to kidnap you. Arthur, you’d probably want to be with Molly Ivins, but Michael Kellywould be better for your soul.
Our fantasy camp staffers are all over the news, debating triggers, trigger locks, and trigger locking overrides, but they aren’t discussing school shootings. You two are anxious to frame the tax, spending, and budget issues, so I’ll await your learned commentary. As a former Army infantryman, I’d like your take on a critical national security issue: Will Beetle Bailey have to wear a black beret? (You might also want to address whether anyone reads the comics anymore.) This is a hot-button issue in the Army that probably doesn’t resonate much anywhere else. The New York Times had a beret story on Sunday, but when it mentioned what the black beret would replace–the so-called “dunce cap”–I’m sure it provoked laughs among military personnel. Nobody calls it a “dunce cap.” The Times reporter probably didn’t feel comfortable calling it by its real nickname. Let’s just say it’s OK to chant the word if you’re in the audience of The Vagina Monologues.I say leave the black beret exclusively to the Rangers, but I wonder why, in a supposedly technologically advanced Army, we don’t have special head gear for the computer personnel directing all those smart weapons. Or for those who took the SAT.
According to William Safire in today’s New York Times, sinister forces are reading this e-mail. Time to opt out.
Will