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Sam Lipsyte and Lucinda Rosenfeld

the breakfast table:
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A Bona Fide Nerve Center

By Sam Lipsyte
Posted Monday, Nov. 13, 2000, at 5:26 PM ET

Dear Lucinda,

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Don't sweat it, and as a matter of fact, I urge you to embrace the hate. Always works for me. Just remember that in our democracy people have an inalienable right to channel their alienation and thwarted ambition at anyone attempting to make a name for herself. It's what makes our nation great, along with our smooth-running electoral system. I'm not really sure what our role is supposed to be either, but just remember there's nothing you can say that won't piss off someone, so there's no reason to worry about it.

I have C-SPAN on while I type this, so I've created a bona fide nerve center here in Queens. That's how serious I am about the election fiasco. As a matter of fact, I am helping NATO draft a resolution to force the United States to hold fair elections or face the threat of strategic air strikes. I would also like to add that I never had any "Duran Duran days," although I once wore eyeliner and put on a Stranglers record. I had testicle tissue grafted onto my brain a long time ago, around the time I found out that the mandrake root (at least apocryphally) grows beneath the gallows, which W. would probably be able to tell you if Texas used hanging as a means of execution.

In closing, I'd like to thank everyone in the Lazy Novelist community for their continued support of my mission to file this e-mail in time to make a late afternoon movie.

Counting by hand,
Sam

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