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Sam Lipsyte and Lucinda Rosenfeld

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Of Boils and Bachelors

By Lucinda Rosenfeld
Posted Monday, Nov. 13, 2000, at 11:35 AM ET

Just out of curiosity, Sam, would you say you preferred your women dimpled, pregnant, or hanging?

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But seriously, speaking of chads--and hey, who isn't these days?--do you think it would be irresponsible of us to veer Off Topic at any point this week, given the fact that our nation's future appears to have been decided by a couple of thousand yentas in Boca who accidentally voted for a Holocaust denier? Because I have a few things of no particular importance I'd like to say before we get into any heated debates about the efficacy of butterfly ballots, the angles of Warren Christopher's eyebrows, or the origins of the president-not-quite-elect's zygomatic boil?

First of all, that was fun "reading" with you the other night at Club Macanudo, even though the place sucked.

Second of all, say hi to your friend/my cousin, Elsa. And while you're at it, ask her why she hasn't called me in three years.

Third of all, are you familiar with New York's "jammin' oldies" station, 105.1? Because if you aren't, you should be. Just now, for example, I was listening to the 1966 soul classic, "No Man Is an Island," by the Van Dykes, and--OK, it's true, I have no point to make other than the fact that it's a good song, and you ought to listen to it. And also, when you really think about it, aren't bachelors of a certain age, like, a thousand times more depressing than single women of a certain age?? Something about those Wonder Bread-and-butter sandwiches. ... And is it true they wash their hair with soap?

But back to the nation's future: What's your take on W.'s suppurating pustule? Saturday's New York Post was talking ingrown hair (not printed in the online edition). But I'm thinking: That's an awfully large bandage for one little whisker that didn't know which way was out. And did you see that Bush is about to fry another retarded guy down in Texas? This one has an IQ of 56 and still believes in Santa Claus. But hey, who doesn't these days (believe in Santa)?

OK, time to plug our books. I'll go first. Dear reader, please buy a copy of my new novel, What She Saw ... It's funny. It's sad. It's got some really dirty parts. It took a long time to write. Here's the Barnes and Noble link.

Thanks, ciao, hi Mom, love to love you,
Lucinda R.