HOME / the breakfast table: An e-mail conversation about the news of the day.

Eddie Dean and Emily Yoffe

Animal Pharm

Posted Monday, May 1, 2000, at 10:40 AM ET

Dear Eddie,

Did you read the story in the New York Times about genetically altered livestock? The sidebar inside describes future "pharm" animals (nice phrase), animals that have been genetically manipulated to produce pharmaceuticals, etc. My favorite is the plan to insert spider genes into goats. I'm sure my first reaction is the same as everyone's--What took so long? But then I wondered, given the ratio of spiders to goats in the world, wouldn't it be more sensible to insert goat genes into spiders? Think how cheap it would be to produce chevre. And why do scientists want to insert spider genes into goats? It's perfectly obvious, really. They want the goat's milk to contain spider silk, which they will extract and make into bulletproof vests. But what if consumers end up drinking some of this arachnidly enhanced goat milk? Will they end up having bulletproof urine?

Perhaps scientists could start working on this. It would be great if the pharm-animal people and the genetic-disease people come up with a way to give us all bulletproof skin. That might be the answer to all the gun carnage. (Yes, another massacre over the weekend, this one near Pittsburgh.) When George Harrison was stabbed by an insane fan last year people talked about how lucky he was to have survived the attack. A letter to the New York Times makes an excellent point. It wasn't just luck. In England, murderously insane people can only get their hands on knives. In America, as the fate of John Lennon tells, insane people get their hands on guns.

Speaking of insanity, I was crushed to wake up to the news on the radio that the Senate is not going to hold hearings on Elián. I was so looking forward to the following:

Senator: Do you mean to tell me, do you mean to tell me--
Justice Department official: Senator, could I just finish answering your--
Senator: Are you asking me a question? No, I ask the questions around here. And I answer them, too! And in case you've forgotten this is the United States of America!! And in the United States of America. ... [Senator becomes so agitated that his comb-over topples off his head and hangs over left ear.]

Yes, I will really miss those hearings. Eddie, looking forward to your take on the news of the day,

Emily

Animal Pharm

Posted Monday, May 1, 2000, at 10:40 AM ET
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Eddie Dean is a contributing writer for Talk magazine and Washington City Paper. Emily Yoffe is a frequent contributor to Slate.
COMMENTS

Reader Response from The Fray--to be read after the final entry:


Not only should Bobo the Clown be drafted to moderate the Presidential debates [Thursday's entry], but he should chair every Congressional Committee, be given Joe Lockhart's job, and he should anchor the news on all networks.

--Will Allen

(To reply, click
here.)


I know it's all the rage now to demonstrate your liberal bona fides by trashing the Confederate flag in South Carolina or Confederate History Month in Virginia, but Eddie's little diatribe against Governor Gilmore and Richmond, Virginia takes the cake [Tuesday]. I see that he has joined some of those he criticizes in hijacking history, ascribing his beliefs to be in the great tradition of Robert E. Lee.

The natural progression of not honoring Confederate History Month is to begin to impede or discourage tourists who want to visit Civil War sites or Confederate museums and cemeteries, as these people must be misguided at best or racist yahoos at worst. I'm sure that Virginians of all ethnicities who work in tourism-related businesses appreciate all the controversy and would rather not have Civil War tourists staying in hotels, eating at restaurants, or buying souvenirs. And, correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Virginia elect the one and only black governor ever to serve in the 50 states?

If you could find 50 people in Virginia who knew about the Confederate History Month proclamation before this contretemps, I would be shocked.

--Will

(To reply, click
here.)

(5/4)


Slate should call this "Whenever You Can Make It To The Table" instead of the "Breakfast Table".

--NT
[See timing of Monday's posts. Matters seemed to improve during the week.]

(To reply, click here.)


So there could be genetically-engineered giant animals [Monday's entry]--but what about when politicians start splicing their genes? Imagine the havoc a 50-foot George Bush would do to the environment--dangerous. Or the monotone bellow of a 100-foot-tall Gore. O the horror.

--Chris

(To reply, click here.)


I have engineered four-legged chickens because my family likes fried chicken legs. We are as of this date unsure of the palatability of these fowl because now we can't catch them.

--eieio

(To reply, click here.)


Today Pharm Animals--Tomorrow Your Mom!

--Seeking Justice

(To reply, click here.)
[This was the title of the post. There was quite a lot more, but this seemed to hit the spot.]


Actually, if the knife that George Harrison was stabbed with had been about a half-inch to the left, he would have died instantly [Monday]. Only those with no knowledge or understanding of violence (which in this post-draft era means basically all of the chattering classes) think that knives are inherently less lethal than guns.

--Tench Coxe

(To reply, click here.)


Re: the possible break-up of Microsoft:

Oh Emily,
Some of us relate:
Poor Bill's the guy everyone loves to hate.
But fear not for your beloved Slate
Just follow His lead,
simply innovate.

--Ann

(To reply, click here.)

(5/2)

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