Eric Mendelsohn, Daniel Mendelsohn, and Jennifer Mendelsohn
VulvaMae, Meet Jennyfivetina
By Jennifer Mendelsohn
Posted Thursday, March 16, 2000, at 10:37 AM ETDear Daniel and Eric,
Sniffly greetings from the nation's capital. I know both of you are probably busy preparing for the start of the NCAA tournament, but there's work to be done here. So let's get down to it.
How perfect is it that the week of our "Breakfast Table," the two presidential candidates have apparently had their own little exchange of sarcastic e-mail? Our man Dubya sent Al Gore what the Washington Post called a "stinger," when he told him, "This Internet of yours is a wonderful invention." Ouch! Dubya, you slay me! The substantive news, of course, is that Bush, much like Bill Bradley before him, is not interested in Gore's offer to have twice-a-week debates and to forgo all campaign advertising, especially that financed by soft money. I personally have forgone soft-money donations since 1980, when I was president of the sixth grade at Mattlin Middle School; I don't see why the two of them can't do the same.
But on to the real news: What do we make of the fact that Susan Lucci wasn't nominated for a Daytime Emmy this year? And how is it that we've got this far without ever mentioning Darva Conger?
OK, I have a confession to make. Ever since we agreed to do The Breakfast Table, I have secretly been looking forward to this, our final day. Not because I'm happy that our little experiment will soon be over but rather because today is Thursday, the day I get the "District Weekly" section of the Washington Post. Now you big-city folk may have great tabloids like the Daily News and the Post. You may have the cosmopolitan charm of the New York Times, what with its superior arts coverage and Maureen Dowd and all. But I live in a city small enough that the local paper still prints the names of all the newborns born at local hospitals each week, the police reports, restaurant health-code violations, and--you'll love this--the "Animal Watch," which lists all of the cases received by the Humane Society and the D.C. Animal Control Division. The best part is that each "Animal Watch" write-up gets its own little headline. I can't quite explain it, but there's something about the quiet tone of them that I always find amusing, like this week's "Stray Pit Bulls Chase People," "Cat Falls Through Office Ceiling," and "Pigeon Rescued From Tall Building." Maybe what draws me to them is the idea that there are all these little dramas going on all around us all the time, and you might never know. In the case of the pigeon, for instance, the Animal Control officer asked the D.C. Fire Department for help, but its 100-foot ladder was too small, so a window washer was asked for his help. "The officer and the window washer rappelled down the side of the building on seats attached to ropes," the report explains, "and retrieved the pigeon, which had a broken leg." I mean, a window washer and a police officer rappelling down the side of an M Street office building? How can you not love that?
The newborns section is also priceless. Throughout my friend Annie's second pregnancy, I called her every Thursday morning to do a full critique of all that week's names. Maybe it's because I have the most common of first names and the most bland (Ann) of middle names, but I have long been fascinated by what people name their children. I think I've sent both of you to one of my favorite Web sites, the "Utah Baby Namer," a collection of the unusual monikers Utahans have bestowed on their little ones. (You know, run-of-the-mill names like Jennyfivetina and VulvaMae. Take that Jessica and Brittany!) The crop in today's Post, as luck would have it, is a little lackluster. The only themes seem to be first and middle names that both end in "a" (Akira Davida, Nyshana Tilayisha, Cassandra Lakendra) and good alliteration (Lauren Layla [whose last name happens to be Louallen] and Jerimiah [sic] Jahshawn). Eric, wasn't it you who said that the checkout girl in your local grocery store was named "Dementia"?
Anyway, in case you haven't noticed, our other two brothers are now posting like crazy in "The Fray" about being left out; Matt says he feels like Zeppo Marx.
Cheers,
j, who's going to ask that from now on you refer to me by my real name, VulvaMae.
VulvaMae, Meet Jennyfivetina
By Jennifer Mendelsohn
Posted Thursday, March 16, 2000, at 10:37 AM ETEric Mendelsohn is the writer/director of the film Judy Berlin, currently in theaters and starring Madeline Kahn, Edie Falco, Barbara Barrie, and Julie Kavner. Daniel Mendelsohn is a regular contributor to the New York Times Book Review, and the New York Observer, a lecturer in classics at Princeton University, and the author of The Elusive Embrace: Desire and the Riddle of Identity (click here to buy it). Jennifer Mendelsohn is Slate's Washington, D.C.-based "Keeping Tabs" columnist. Highlights from The Fray:
Don't the Mendelsohns remind you of J.D.Salinger's Glass family of precocious children?
--Patti
(To reply, click
here.)
[Eagle80 was of the opinion that the Mendelsohns were in fact The Sopranos of the literati. Stacy Grover
asked How did so much cleverness end up in one family? and this brought the Missing Mendelsohn brothers to The Fray: Andrew
said I often wonder that myself. And you haven't even heard from the rest of us yet!
And
Matthew
responded:]
I have to agree with my brother Andrew. I've been feeling like Zeppo Marx all week. I think Slate should host a Breakfast Table with the forgotten Mendelsohn brothers. Jennifer, Eric and Daniel can host a discussion about gay culture while Andrew and myself discuss biotech stocks. You'll learn more with them but you'll make more with us.
(To reply--or to follow the thread in more detail--click
here.)
Thursday's entry: As for Jennifer and marriage, I believe she is the star of an upcoming Fox special called, Who wants to Marry A Mendelsohn? Should be good.
--Bill Watrous
(To reply, click
here.)
[If you want to read the marriage proposal for Jennifer (and her response) click
here. Yet another member of the Mendelsohn family, Jay, entered The Fray
here.
Marriage proposal for Dan is
here. Sorry, Eric, no proposal, but lots of Fraygrants did like your film and one of them liked your photo.
But there were also Fray readers who wanted to discuss serious issues, or at least give a short, thrilling history of religion down the ages:]
Typical drivel from the pseudo-intellectual phenoms. Here's some of my drivel. Let's see: there were 12 tribes waiting for the Messiah, He comes, they kill kill him because he wanted to give Caesar what was Caesar's, they wanted power, all he wanted was your faith and devotion to a Greater Good. The various churches spring up, (no-one mentions the Orthodox Churches and the atrocities they committed), Popes are killed, moved to France, etc., they offer forgiveness of sins for money, and kill, all for power using the popular religion of the time. Then we have Protestantism, (no one mentions the 2.5 million Catholics Cromwell killed and the killing that has gone on since then in Ireland) Let's leave for the New World, Puritan brothers, so that we the church leaders can have the power over every bit of your life (Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Al Sharpton, Pat Buchanan, et al) Oh yeah, you're a witch, die! (You also had a piece of land I wanted...)I am going to skip a century or two now... lets see Joseph Smith, ex-con, sees an angel called Baloney, no Maloney, no, Moroni... yeah that's the one. Yeah, Yeah, that's my wife...Morgan Fairchild...all 11 of them...God told me I could, I swear!
Well enough of this. People are the problem, not God, not Jesus, no matter what religion, faith, creed.
--St Pat
(To reply, click
here.)
Is it possible that the pope's "doctrinal rigidity" and "gestures of expansive humanity" [Monday's entry] are of a piece? As I understand John Paul II's thinking, the humanity Mendelsohn admires arises almost entirely from the pope's dogmatic beliefs about God, man's nature, and the consequent requirements for living a good life. Liberals (and I don't intend that as a lazy epithet) should consider the possibility that the "humanity" they praise must rest either on certain irreducible truths or on a collection of insubstantial, albeit attractive, sentiments.
--Michael Pollard
(To reply, click
here.)
Many have decried the pope's apology as a political ploy. I doubt it, if only for the reason that if it were, he would have vaguely referred to the Crusades and Inquisition as "youthful indiscretions" of a church that is now much more mature and therefore knows better as a result of the important lessons it has learned.
G Wiz
(To reply, click
here.)
1. Gays (yawn). How over. How '90s.
2. Catholics. "Anti-Catholicism is the anti-Semitism of the intellectual."
--P.J.O'Connell
(To reply, click
here.)
To P.J.O'Connell: Let's jump back in time to 1960...
Negros (yawn). How over. How 50's.
2. Jews. "Just ignore them and they'll go away."
It ain't over by a long shot!
--Dave
(To reply, click
here.)
I'm glad Eric Mendelsohn cleared up the confusion over Beauty and the Beast. But I'm still not sure which Psycho he had in mind. Perkins or Vaughn? Or Christian Bale? I hope he clears this up before the Breakfast Table is wiped clear of bagel crumbs, the dishes go in the dishwasher, and he goes off to film The Magnificent Mendelsohns.
And, by the way, the poet Catullus [see Wednesday's entry] was really the Matt Drudge --or maybe Fray contributor--of his times. How low can you get?
--Eagle80
(To reply, click
here.)
[The Catulluses of the modern age also discussed dogs, names, the Oscars, The Sopranos and many other Breakfast Table topics in The Fray this week.]
(3/17)
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Highlights from The Fray:
Don't the Mendelsohns remind you of J.D.Salinger's Glass family of precocious children?
--Patti
(To reply, click here.)
[Eagle80 was of the opinion that the Mendelsohns were in fact The Sopranos of the literati. Stacy Grover asked How did so much cleverness end up in one family? and this brought the Missing Mendelsohn brothers to The Fray: Andrew said I often wonder that myself. And you haven't even heard from the rest of us yet!
And Matthew responded:]
I have to agree with my brother Andrew. I've been feeling like Zeppo Marx all week. I think Slate should host a Breakfast Table with the forgotten Mendelsohn brothers. Jennifer, Eric and Daniel can host a discussion about gay culture while Andrew and myself discuss biotech stocks. You'll learn more with them but you'll make more with us.
(To reply--or to follow the thread in more detail--click here.)
Thursday's entry: As for Jennifer and marriage, I believe she is the star of an upcoming Fox special called, Who wants to Marry A Mendelsohn? Should be good.
--Bill Watrous
(To reply, click here.)
[If you want to read the marriage proposal for Jennifer (and her response) click here. Yet another member of the Mendelsohn family, Jay, entered The Fray here. Marriage proposal for Dan is here. Sorry, Eric, no proposal, but lots of Fraygrants did like your film and one of them liked your photo.
But there were also Fray readers who wanted to discuss serious issues, or at least give a short, thrilling history of religion down the ages:]
Typical drivel from the pseudo-intellectual phenoms. Here's some of my drivel. Let's see: there were 12 tribes waiting for the Messiah, He comes, they kill kill him because he wanted to give Caesar what was Caesar's, they wanted power, all he wanted was your faith and devotion to a Greater Good. The various churches spring up, (no-one mentions the Orthodox Churches and the atrocities they committed), Popes are killed, moved to France, etc., they offer forgiveness of sins for money, and kill, all for power using the popular religion of the time. Then we have Protestantism, (no one mentions the 2.5 million Catholics Cromwell killed and the killing that has gone on since then in Ireland) Let's leave for the New World, Puritan brothers, so that we the church leaders can have the power over every bit of your life (Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Al Sharpton, Pat Buchanan, et al) Oh yeah, you're a witch, die! (You also had a piece of land I wanted...)I am going to skip a century or two now... lets see Joseph Smith, ex-con, sees an angel called Baloney, no Maloney, no, Moroni... yeah that's the one. Yeah, Yeah, that's my wife...Morgan Fairchild...all 11 of them...God told me I could, I swear!
Well enough of this. People are the problem, not God, not Jesus, no matter what religion, faith, creed.
--St Pat
(To reply, click here.)
Is it possible that the pope's "doctrinal rigidity" and "gestures of expansive humanity" [Monday's entry] are of a piece? As I understand John Paul II's thinking, the humanity Mendelsohn admires arises almost entirely from the pope's dogmatic beliefs about God, man's nature, and the consequent requirements for living a good life. Liberals (and I don't intend that as a lazy epithet) should consider the possibility that the "humanity" they praise must rest either on certain irreducible truths or on a collection of insubstantial, albeit attractive, sentiments.
--Michael Pollard
(To reply, click here.)
Many have decried the pope's apology as a political ploy. I doubt it, if only for the reason that if it were, he would have vaguely referred to the Crusades and Inquisition as "youthful indiscretions" of a church that is now much more mature and therefore knows better as a result of the important lessons it has learned.
G Wiz
(To reply, click here.)
1. Gays (yawn). How over. How '90s.
2. Catholics. "Anti-Catholicism is the anti-Semitism of the intellectual."
--P.J.O'Connell
(To reply, click here.)
To P.J.O'Connell: Let's jump back in time to 1960...
Negros (yawn). How over. How 50's.
2. Jews. "Just ignore them and they'll go away."
It ain't over by a long shot!
--Dave
(To reply, click here.)
I'm glad Eric Mendelsohn cleared up the confusion over Beauty and the Beast. But I'm still not sure which Psycho he had in mind. Perkins or Vaughn? Or Christian Bale? I hope he clears this up before the Breakfast Table is wiped clear of bagel crumbs, the dishes go in the dishwasher, and he goes off to film The Magnificent Mendelsohns.
And, by the way, the poet Catullus [see Wednesday's entry] was really the Matt Drudge --or maybe Fray contributor--of his times. How low can you get?
--Eagle80
(To reply, click here.)
[The Catulluses of the modern age also discussed dogs, names, the Oscars, The Sopranos and many other Breakfast Table topics in The Fray this week.]
(3/17)