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Tim Carvell and David Shayne

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Learn Liposuction at Home!

By Tim Carvell
Posted Tuesday, Jan. 18, 2000, at 12:33 PM ET

Hey, Dave--

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Oh, man. Now you've done it. You've brought up my single favorite TV show name of all time: Shasta McNasty. It's just fun to say: Shasta McNasty, Shasta McNasty, Shasta McNasty. Say it loud, and there's music playing; say it soft, and it's almost like praying. Shasta McNasty.

Yeah, I saw that story about the placement of anti-drug messages, and, while I agree with the Times in general that this has the potential to devolve into propaganda, I also happen to believe that anyone who does anything just because Blossom told him to gets whatever he deserves.

In other news, I neglected to mention yesterday my single favorite sentence of the day, from a story in the Wall Street Journal about Jack-in-the-Box Corp.'s annual report: "The 1999 report opens with 14 pages of verse, narrated by fictional CEO 'Jack,' a sometimes-evil clown with a head that resembles a ping-pong ball." I'm sure Slate readers can fill in their own David Gergen joke here.

As for my favorite sentence from today's papers, there's no contest. From a USA Today story on the dangers of plastic surgery, a quotation from plastic surgeon Rod Rohrich: "Patients should assume nothing. Anybody can do liposuction. Even dentists have been doing it." Which, to me, suggests three things: First, from here on out, no matter what procedure I go in for, it's local anesthetic for me. Second, I foresee a boom in correspondence-school "learn liposuction at home!" programs. And third, of course, is that this suggests a new lyric for the Cole Porter standard, "Let's Do It (Let's Fall In Love)": "Birds do it, bees do it/ Patients should assume nothing, even dentists have been doing it/ Let's do it, let's fall in love."

By the way, drugs is bad. May I have my check now, please?

Tim

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