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Matt Cooper and Harry Shearer

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L.A.'s Belated New Year

By Harry Shearer
Posted Tuesday, Jan. 4, 2000, at 3:21 PM ET

Morning, Matt, although it's already afternoon there. We Southern Californians experienced a really bad case of Last in the World syndrome when new Year's Eve marched flashily around the globe before finally, timidly, landing here. Insult was added to injury when Todd Purdum in the Sunday New York Times took out after us for our lack of excitement, resuscitating the "laid-back" stereotype that I thought had been shipped off to Seattle a decade or so ago, along with our laid-off aerospace workers. Left out of Purdum's piece, because it vitiated his argument, was the fact that millions of Southern Californians (and our tourists) do get excited a few hours after New Year's Eve by the Rose Parade, which lasts a lot longer than a fireworks show, and is slightly less inexplicable than the diaphanously costumed dancers who cavorted through Times Square last Friday.

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Liddy Dole endorses George W. Bush. Knock me over with an earth-mover, buddy. This should solve her lingering case of E.D. (electoral dysfunction). But I can't think of two more grating campaign personalities joined on a single ticket than Bush and Dole. As to the Dems, I had the opportunity yesterday to watch both their speeches, and in each case, after a few moments, I opted instead to wash some long-neglected dishes. Analysts are wrong to say Gore is suffering from Clinton fatigue. I already have a well-developed case of Gore fatigue. He was back to the blue suit, though; does that mean Naomi Wolf has taken another pay cut?

Re Clinton's taste in women, I've covered this in my book, but, yes, man, he's the president, he's supposed to be banging movie stars. I did see Monica on Larry King, and the show left me with one burning question that hard-hitting Larry failed to ask: If you're a borderline nobody who's been given an hour of nationwide airtime with the King of Talk, what in hell is so important that you have to leave 20 minutes early?

As for the Cuban boy, I say send him to Mexico, and let the lawyers fight it out. Speaking of borders, though, isn't the alleged Algerian bombing conspiracy being teased out by the FBI reason enough to bite the bullet finally and close the damn Canadian border? Couldn't an American have anchored ABC's 30 hours of millennium coverage just as well and, at the end, just as tearfully?

Harry Shearer