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David Edelstein and Nell Minow

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from: David Edelstein

Not For Baby

Posted Friday, Aug. 7, 1998, at 12:05 PM ET

Morning, Nell, and Happy Anniversary. In this stained age, a woman who marries her high-school sweetheart and sticks with him for decades is . . . antediluvian, in the best sense. Mazel Tov.

Well, I missed The Parent Trap again last night because we didn't have a babysitter, and because, frankly, I was more interested in watching The President Trap. Baby on my lap, I turned on the tube to see, on TV's Wildest Police Videos (Fox, of course), a runaway tank doing a Ken Starr impersonation on the streets of San Diego. Not for baby. I switched over to CNBC and there was Ed Rollins again, which was not for baby either--but this time Ed was doing his best to look sorrowful at the President's predicament. He didn't need to say anything vicious, actually, since Dee Dee Myers had joined David Gergen and the weasel Stephanopoulos in the parade of Clinton ex-spokesmen doing everything in their power not to come to the President's defense. Their host, Geraldo Rivera, appeared to be deeply moved by this whole story, and was working to come across as the Voice of Sensitivity. "Mr. President," he said, looking pleadingly into the camera, "I want to hug you and say, 'Do the right thing.' This is nothing, this isn't what Jefferson was talking about . . . " Declining to explain what Jefferson was talking about, Geraldo then urged Starr to join him and Clinton by the campfire with the bongos: "I would give Ken Starr the Nobel Peace prize if he were man enough not to refer sex and lies to the House for impeachment." A spokesperson for Monica Lewinsky said she was still "fond" of the President, which contradicted Geraldo's sources. "My sources tell me," he said, "that she's far more than fond. Far more."

This was a little too fond for my taste, so I turned back to Fox to hear a serial rapist say: "I was being my genitalia." Not for baby.

Back to CNBC, where a professor was explaining other possible sources of The Stain: "It could be a stain from herself, another man, saliva from kissing, a nose drip of hers or the President's, blood from an open wound of hers or the President's--" Not for baby.

Back on Fox, a man shown only from the back but with oiled black hair and a thick neck said that Monica had told him that she and the President were "F--- buddies." Not for baby.

Over on a local news station, they were showing the city padlocking a sex club. What a relief to be living in a decent culture.

As you say, Mike Barnicle wasn't too impressive this morning with Katie Couric, whose cute-little-sister smile barely concealed a set of glinting steak knives. The Globe columnist, who for years has been the butt of jokes for his Roykoisms and less-than-reliable sources, offered what can only be described as the "lazy hack" defense. It's good to see columnists with too much power brought down from time to time.

Speaking of which, this is our last day. So what are your 20 favorite films again?

the breakfast table
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from: David Edelstein

Not For Baby

Posted Friday, Aug. 7, 1998, at 12:05 PM ET
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David Edelstein is Slate's film critic. Nell Minow's reviews of movies and videos appear on her Movie Mom Web page. Her book The Movie Mom's Guide to Family Movies is forthcoming.
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